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[Music]
Music
Today is day six of the government
Today
is
day
six
of
the
government
shutdown. As you know, it lasts for 8
shutdown
As
you
know
it
lasts
for
8
days.
days
I may be confusing that with Hanukkah,
I
may
be
confusing
that
with
Hanukkah
but so far the effects of the shutdown
but
so
far
the
effects
of
the
shutdown
keep getting worse. Millions of
keep
getting
worse
Millions
of
Americans this morning feeling the pain,
Americans
this
morning
feeling
the
pain
experiencing delays at airports. Food
experiencing
delays
at
airports
Food
benefits to moms and young children
benefits
to
moms
and
young
children
could dry up in days and national parks
could
dry
up
in
days
and
national
parks
and monuments are partially closed.
and
monuments
are
partially
closed
I don't want to hardship shame anyone,
I
don't
want
to
hardship
shame
anyone
but there is a significant gap
but
there
is
a
significant
gap
between partially closed monuments and
between
partially
closed
monuments
and
your children will starve.
your
children
will
starve
Old people will be forced to eat their
Old
people
will
be
forced
to
eat
their
pets.
pets
And the Department of Treasury
And
the
Department
of
Treasury
thermostats will have to be kept at 66.
thermostats
will
have
to
be
kept
at
66
Wear a sweater. I mean, really, who's
Wear
a
sweater
I
mean
really
who's
taking a hit on the monument thing?
taking
a
hit
on
the
monument
thing
>> This tourist, David, all the way from
>>
This
tourist
David
all
the
way
from
Italy, saying Alcatraz was supposed to
Italy
saying
Alcatraz
was
supposed
to
be the highlight of his visit to the
be
the
highlight
of
his
visit
to
the
bay. I feel no good bad because uh I I
bay
I
feel
no
good
bad
because
uh
I
I
come from Italy for say Alcatra that
come
from
Italy
for
say
Alcatra
that
Russian and now we can't then uh it's
Russian
and
now
we
can't
then
uh
it's
not good feeling. Not good.
not
good
feeling
Not
good
[Applause]
Applause
growing up in my country.
growing
up
in
my
country
I was a little a little boy
I
was
a
little
a
little
boy
been beaten and I always I say to my
been
beaten
and
I
always
I
say
to
my
friends
friends
Maro someday
Maro
someday
someday
someday
I'm going to travel
I'm
going
to
travel
not at the 3,000 mi not of the 5,000 mi
not
at
the
3000
mi
not
of
the
5000
mi
over the 6,000 miles
over
the
6000
miles
to see one day a notorious prison turned
to
see
one
day
a
notorious
prison
turned
into a museum.
into
a
museum
[Music]
Music
And when I get there, and oh, I will get
And
when
I
get
there
and
oh
I
will
get
there.
there
When I get to the senatorious prison,
When
I
get
to
the
senatorious
prison
turn a a museum on my father's life.
turn
a
a
museum
on
my
father's
life
I am going to buy a shot of glass.
I
am
going
to
buy
a
shot
of
glass
A shot of glass with
A
shot
of
glass
with
mother. If if this could happen, I shot
mother
If
if
this
could
happen
I
shot
the glass with the name of it that
the
glass
with
the
name
of
it
that
praise him.
praise
him
Frosted under the glass.
Frosted
under
the
glass
And my friends as a kid, they said to
And
my
friends
as
a
kid
they
said
to
me, "Zo,
me
Zo
this is a big plan. Uh, when this
this
is
a
big
plan
Uh
when
this
happens, maybe you should check out the
happens
maybe
you
should
check
out
the
website
website
and maybe
and
maybe
you Oh, you should have make sure it's
you
Oh
you
should
have
make
sure
it's
still open, huh?
still
open
huh
You happy government. Look what you did.
You
happy
government
Look
what
you
did
Look what you did to the poor fella.
Look
what
you
did
to
the
poor
fella
Yes. A
Yes
A
If liberals had their way, he'd be
If
liberals
had
their
way
he'd
be
hosting the halftime show at the Super
hosting
the
halftime
show
at
the
Super
Bowl. Yeah.
Bowl
Yeah
Liberal.
Liberal
Poor guy from Italy. He just wants to,
Poor
guy
from
Italy
He
just
wants
to
oh my, I just want to visit a museum.
oh
my
I
just
want
to
visit
a
museum
But if the fat cats in DC would just get
But
if
the
fat
cats
in
DC
would
just
get
out of their beltway bubble, they'd hear
out
of
their
beltway
bubble
they'd
hear
from real common sense Americans about
from
real
common
sense
Americans
about
how to end this troubling shutdown.
how
to
end
this
troubling
shutdown
>> Lock them up in a room until they come
>>
Lock
them
up
in
a
room
until
they
come
to an agreement. Don't let them out.
to
an
agreement
Don't
let
them
out
[Applause]
Applause
I did I did not see that coming.
I
did
I
did
not
see
that
coming
[Applause]
Applause
>> Obviously the shutdown is personal to
>>
Obviously
the
shutdown
is
personal
to
Mr. Fester
Mr
Fester
[Applause]
Applause
on disability and his hand
on
disability
and
his
hand
companion a data analyst with the
companion
a
data
analyst
with
the
department of labor management.
department
of
labor
management
Obviously, if the shutdown continues, he
Obviously
if
the
shutdown
continues
he
will be forced to return to giving hand
will
be
forced
to
return
to
giving
hand
jobs in truck stop bathrooms.
jobs
in
truck
stop
bathrooms
[Applause]
Applause
Do not shame sex work.
Do
not
shame
sex
work
Do not shame sex work. He's going to
Do
not
shame
sex
work
He's
going
to
have a tough enough time at the truck
have
a
tough
enough
time
at
the
truck
stop. Oh, handy.
stop
Oh
handy
I guess that degree didn't work out so
I
guess
that
degree
didn't
work
out
so
well, did it, college boy?
well
did
it
college
boy
Now stop snapping
Now
stop
snapping
and start tugging.
and
start
tugging
[Applause]
Applause
>> You know
>>
You
know
the bathroom a hand job. I was really
the
bathroom
a
hand
job
I
was
really
looking forward to that
looking
forward
to
that
since the shutdown.
since
the
shutdown
[Music]
Music
Now, as you'll recall, the shutdown
Now
as
you'll
recall
the
shutdown
began because in order to pass a budget
began
because
in
order
to
pass
a
budget
bill in the Senate, you need 60 votes,
bill
in
the
Senate
you
need
60
votes
as the founders never mentioned. And so,
as
the
founders
never
mentioned
And
so
Democrats have come forth with a laundry
Democrats
have
come
forth
with
a
laundry
list of demands to force the Republican
list
of
demands
to
force
the
Republican
I'm just kidding. They want like two
I'm
just
kidding
They
want
like
two
things. Democrats demanding that
things
Democrats
demanding
that
Republicans reverse cuts to Medicaid and
Republicans
reverse
cuts
to
Medicaid
and
extend expiring Obamacare subsidies to
extend
expiring
Obamacare
subsidies
to
prevent insurance premiums from rising
prevent
insurance
premiums
from
rising
for some 20 million Americans.
for
some
20
million
Americans
>> Those bastards.
>>
Those
bastards
It's like they don't even want people to
It's
like
they
don't
even
want
people
to
die of generally preventable diseases.
die
of
generally
preventable
diseases
>> I wonder what this seemingly reasonable
>>
I
wonder
what
this
seemingly
reasonable
and narrow request will sound like when
and
narrow
request
will
sound
like
when
put through the foxometer.
put
through
the
foxometer
>> American taxpayers hard-earned dollars
>>
American
taxpayers
hard-earned
dollars
would be paying for benefits for illegal
would
be
paying
for
benefits
for
illegal
aliens. extend policy that gives
aliens
extend
policy
that
gives
millions of illegal aliens
millions
of
illegal
aliens
uh free health care.
uh
free
health
care
>> Health care for illegals, transgender
>>
Health
care
for
illegals
transgender
surgery.
surgery
>> What? What? Did you Wait,
>>
What
What
Did
you
Wait
did you just transgender surgery
did
you
just
transgender
surgery
illegal immigrant healthcare
illegal
immigrant
healthcare
just through transgender? You know,
just
through
transgender
You
know
trans. It's not just a garnish you add
trans
It's
not
just
a
garnish
you
add
to every talking point like you're some
to
every
talking
point
like
you're
some
transgender salt bay. Oh, are you
transgender
salt
bay
Oh
are
you
talking about healthcare for illegals?
talking
about
healthcare
for
illegals
That needs a little
That
needs
a
little
trans surgery.
trans
surgery
And while people in the country
And
while
people
in
the
country
illegally are not eligible for Medicaid
illegally
are
not
eligible
for
Medicaid
or for Obamacare subsidies,
or
for
Obamacare
subsidies
point taken. But the Democrats aren't
point
taken
But
the
Democrats
aren't
liy livered about this one. They've got
liy
livered
about
this
one
They've
got
their own rhetorical arguments about the
their
own
rhetorical
arguments
about
the
popularity of extending these subsidies
popularity
of
extending
these
subsidies
that I think you'll find compelling.
that
I
think
you'll
find
compelling
>> Democrats are adamant that we must
>>
Democrats
are
adamant
that
we
must
protect the health care of the American
protect
the
health
care
of
the
American
people.
people
[Applause]
Applause
[Music]
Music
Uh
Uh
good points.
good
points
Um,
Um
not crazy about this.
not
crazy
about
this
[Applause]
Applause
Solid framing
Solid
framing
delivered with clarity.
delivered
with
clarity
Really could have done without
Really
could
have
done
without
the whole
the
whole
Americans demand.
Americans
demand
It's just not
It's
just
not
But if you would stop there, that would
But
if
you
would
stop
there
that
would
be great. But you're going to keep
be
great
But
you're
going
to
keep
talking, aren't you? Aren't you?
talking
aren't
you
Aren't
you
>> New data came out today from KFF. And
>>
New
data
came
out
today
from
KFF
And
that is not Kentucky fried French fries.
that
is
not
Kentucky
fried
French
fries
KFF could be Kentucky French fries. H
KFF
could
be
Kentucky
French
fries
H
>> family.
>>
family
>> I know.
>>
I
know
[Applause]
Applause
[Applause]
Applause
Who is that joke even for?
Who
is
that
joke
even
for
Six-year-olds that watch C-SPAN.
Six-year-olds
that
watch
C-SPAN
What the are you doing? Chuck Schumer is
What
the
are
you
doing
Chuck
Schumer
is
a human flat tire.
a
human
flat
tire
[Applause]
Applause
Kentucky fried French fry.
Kentucky
fried
French
fry
I mean, look at look at Clolobish. Poor
I
mean
look
at
look
at
Clolobish
Poor
Clolobashar.
Clolobashar
That is the face of someone who talked
That
is
the
face
of
someone
who
talked
to their dad who said just please don't
to
their
dad
who
said
just
please
don't
do your Indian accent in the restaurant.
do
your
Indian
accent
in
the
restaurant
That's all I'm asking.
That's
all
I'm
asking
But then dad was like a chicken dick
But
then
dad
was
like
a
chicken
dick
masala.
masala
and he looks at her and he's like, I'm
and
he
looks
at
her
and
he's
like
I'm
killing.
killing
But miracle of miracles, despite talking
But
miracle
of
miracles
despite
talking
points being delivered by Hackey Mason
points
being
delivered
by
Hackey
Mason
here,
here
Republicans are feeling pressured to
Republicans
are
feeling
pressured
to
defend their healthc care intentions.
defend
their
healthc
care
intentions
And House Speaker Mike Johnson is more
And
House
Speaker
Mike
Johnson
is
more
than up to the task of reassuring
than
up
to
the
task
of
reassuring
America that to serve man is not a
America
that
to
serve
man
is
not
a
cookbook, but in fact a totally innocent
cookbook
but
in
fact
a
totally
innocent
double meaning. Let me look right into
double
meaning
Let
me
look
right
into
the camera and tell you very clearly,
the
camera
and
tell
you
very
clearly
Republicans are the ones concerned about
Republicans
are
the
ones
concerned
about
healthcare. Republicans are the party
healthcare
Republicans
are
the
party
working around the clock every day to
working
around
the
clock
every
day
to
fix healthcare.
fix
healthcare
[Applause]
Applause
>> Oh, no. It's okay. Um,
>>
Oh
no
It's
okay
Um
that's not technically looking right
that's
not
technically
looking
right
into the camera.
into
the
camera
[Applause]
Applause
Technically, I'm doing that right now.
Technically
I'm
doing
that
right
now
I'm looking right into the camera right
I'm
looking
right
into
the
camera
right
now. You saying, "I'm going to look
now
You
saying
I'm
going
to
look
right at you and then never looking at
right
at
you
and
then
never
looking
at
us
us
suggests a little struggling with the
suggests
a
little
struggling
with
the
conscience and the truth." Your honor,
conscience
and
the
truth
Your
honor
let me be clear. It was a consensual use
let
me
be
clear
It
was
a
consensual
use
of baby oil. Um
of
baby
oil
Um
was uh
was
uh
no, I had to buy cases of it because it
no
I
had
to
buy
cases
of
it
because
it
spoils. Um,
spoils
Um
but you know, Republicans have always
but
you
know
Republicans
have
always
been very sincere about being the party
been
very
sincere
about
being
the
party
of great healthcare.
of
great
healthcare
>> We are going to be submitting in a
>>
We
are
going
to
be
submitting
in
a
couple of weeks a healthc care plan
couple
of
weeks
a
healthc
care
plan
that's going to take the place of the
that's
going
to
take
the
place
of
the
disaster known as Obamacare.
disaster
known
as
Obamacare
Boom. And while that was only
Boom
And
while
that
was
only
nine years ago,
nine
years
ago
to be fair, when they promised to
to
be
fair
when
they
promised
to
release their healthcare plan, they
release
their
healthcare
plan
they
didn't realize how controversial it
didn't
realize
how
controversial
it
would be.
would
be
[Applause]
Applause
All right. Back then, he drew kitties on
All
right
Back
then
he
drew
kitties
on
everything.
everything
It seems like after eight long months,
It
seems
like
after
eight
long
months
the Democrats finally have themselves a
the
Democrats
finally
have
themselves
a
specific ask. Finally have themselves a
specific
ask
Finally
have
themselves
a
small amount of leverage to accomplish
small
amount
of
leverage
to
accomplish
this specific ask and an ask that is
this
specific
ask
and
an
ask
that
is
somewhat popular with the American
somewhat
popular
with
the
American
people, which means clearly this is a
people
which
means
clearly
this
is
a
mistake. I call upon my colleagues in
mistake
I
call
upon
my
colleagues
in
the Republican party to explain why.
the
Republican
party
to
explain
why
>> I think Mr. Schumer uh made a mistake. I
>>
I
think
Mr
Schumer
uh
made
a
mistake
I
think he marched his troops up into a
think
he
marched
his
troops
up
into
a
box canyon.
box
canyon
I don't know what that means.
I
don't
know
what
that
means
Yes. Is Charles Schumer shrewdly
Yes
Is
Charles
Schumer
shrewdly
protecting healthcare premiums or is he
protecting
healthcare
premiums
or
is
he
Kuster at his last stand?
Kuster
at
his
last
stand
Any whimsical folksy but not massacre
Any
whimsical
folksy
but
not
massacre
folksy?
folksy
>> Once you shut down government, you've
>>
Once
you
shut
down
government
you've
got to figure out how to get it back
got
to
figure
out
how
to
get
it
back
open. A wise person once said, "If you
open
A
wise
person
once
said
If
you
pray for rain, you got to be prepared to
pray
for
rain
you
got
to
be
prepared
to
deal with the mud.
deal
with
the
mud
Touchy.
Touchy
[Applause]
Applause
Who was that wise sage who said that?
Who
was
that
wise
sage
who
said
that
Confucious.
Confucious
A bard of the south perhaps? Lear.
A
bard
of
the
south
perhaps
Lear
When you pray for rain, you got to deal
When
you
pray
for
rain
you
got
to
deal
with the mud, too.
with
the
mud
too
[Applause]
Applause
Throughout all these obscure
Throughout
all
these
obscure
colloquialisms, can the news media cut
colloquialisms
can
the
news
media
cut
through? What is exactly the concern if
through
What
is
exactly
the
concern
if
Democrats stand on principle?
Democrats
stand
on
principle
>> Do you worry your fellow Democrats are
>>
Do
you
worry
your
fellow
Democrats
are
walking into a trap?
walking
into
a
trap
>> Democrats just marched into a shutdown
>>
Democrats
just
marched
into
a
shutdown
trap. I think they walked into a trap.
trap
I
think
they
walked
into
a
trap
>> Stepping into a trap.
>>
Stepping
into
a
trap
>> Straight into a trap. It's a trap.
>>
Straight
into
a
trap
It's
a
trap
[Applause]
Applause
I have to come clean about something.
I
have
to
come
clean
about
something
I added that last clip in there.
I
added
that
last
clip
in
there
Let me say this and I and I mean this
Let
me
say
this
and
I
and
I
mean
this
sincerely.
sincerely
Adding it's a trap is probably not fair
Adding
it's
a
trap
is
probably
not
fair
to the media or to the larger discussion
to
the
media
or
to
the
larger
discussion
of our troubled health care system. But
of
our
troubled
health
care
system
But
mostly I believe adding that clip isn't
mostly
I
believe
adding
that
clip
isn't
fair to Admiral Akbar.
fair
to
Admiral
Akbar
Admiral Akbar served this galaxy with
Admiral
Akbar
served
this
galaxy
with
distinction.
distinction
He does not deserve to have such a
He
does
not
deserve
to
have
such
a
distinguished career reduced to one
distinguished
career
reduced
to
one
catchphrase or a flippant punchline.
catchphrase
or
a
flippant
punchline
Gal Akbar rose from the hard scrabble
Gal
Akbar
rose
from
the
hard
scrabble
backwaters of Coral depth city to lead
backwaters
of
Coral
depth
city
to
lead
the man Calamarians in rebellion
the
man
Calamarians
in
rebellion
against the empire. A perilous and
against
the
empire
A
perilous
and
fraught journey where Akbar once had to
fraught
journey
where
Akbar
once
had
to
escape capture during the Quar
escape
capture
during
the
Quar
insurgency
insurgency
to lead his forces to the decisive
to
lead
his
forces
to
the
decisive
victory at the storied battle of Jaku.
victory
at
the
storied
battle
of
Jaku
A hero like that deserves to be
A
hero
like
that
deserves
to
be
remembered for his accomplishments,
remembered
for
his
accomplishments
for his bravery, for his service, and
for
his
bravery
for
his
service
and
for his sacrifice. And by the way, all
for
his
sacrifice
And
by
the
way
all
of that information was brought to you
of
that
information
was
brought
to
you
by
by
You're Never Getting Laid.
You're
Never
Getting
Laid
Yes, you're never getting laid.
Yes
you're
never
getting
laid
If you recognize any of that that I
If
you
recognize
any
of
that
that
I
just talked about, you're never getting
just
talked
about
you're
never
getting
laid.
laid
And
And
if you think learning any of that
if
you
think
learning
any
of
that
information about Admiral Abbar will get
information
about
Admiral
Abbar
will
get
you laid, it's a trap. Exactly.
you
laid
it's
a
trap
Exactly
[Applause]
Applause
Today's episode is like four oneman
Today's
episode
is
like
four
oneman
shows.
shows
By the way, we we didn't even def what
By
the
way
we
we
didn't
even
def
what
is the trap the Democrats have walked
is
the
trap
the
Democrats
have
walked
themselves into.
themselves
into
>> President Trump warning mass layoffs of
>>
President
Trump
warning
mass
layoffs
of
federal workers are coming.
federal
workers
are
coming
>> We'd be laying off a lot of people that
>>
We'd
be
laying
off
a
lot
of
people
that
are going to be very affected. And the
are
going
to
be
very
affected
And
the
Democrats, they're going to be
Democrats
they're
going
to
be
Democrats. A lot of good can come down
Democrats
A
lot
of
good
can
come
down
from shutdowns. We can get rid of a lot
from
shutdowns
We
can
get
rid
of
a
lot
of things that we didn't want and they'd
of
things
that
we
didn't
want
and
they'd
be Democrat things.
be
Democrat
things
>> Trump writing, "I can't believe the
>>
Trump
writing
I
can't
believe
the
radical left Democrats gave me this
radical
left
Democrats
gave
me
this
unprecedented opportunity." Oh. Oh. Oh.
unprecedented
opportunity
Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh. Oh. So the trap is if the Democrats
Oh
Oh
So
the
trap
is
if
the
Democrats
shut down the government, Donald Trump
shut
down
the
government
Donald
Trump
takes advantage of the situation and
takes
advantage
of
the
situation
and
begins to, I don't know, trim programs
begins
to
I
don't
know
trim
programs
Democrats care about. Or maybe Donald
Democrats
care
about
Or
maybe
Donald
Trump might let go of some federal
Trump
might
let
go
of
some
federal
workers. Or Donald Trump might eliminate
workers
Or
Donald
Trump
might
eliminate
funding but only for blue states. Or
funding
but
only
for
blue
states
Or
Donald Trump mighting send in the
Donald
Trump
mighting
send
in
the
National Guard but only into blue areas.
National
Guard
but
only
into
blue
areas
In other words, to continue doing all
In
other
words
to
continue
doing
all
the Trump has not needed any
the
Trump
has
not
needed
any
provocation or pretense or reason to
provocation
or
pretense
or
reason
to
already have been doing. Lo these past
already
have
been
doing
Lo
these
past
God, it feels like 80 years.
God
it
feels
like
80
years
And yet somehow the Republicans have the
And
yet
somehow
the
Republicans
have
the
balls to continue to insist that the
balls
to
continue
to
insist
that
the
secondhand urine on our legs is rain.
secondhand
urine
on
our
legs
is
rain
>> It is a regrettable situation that the
>>
It
is
a
regrettable
situation
that
the
president does not want. Democrats are
president
does
not
want
Democrats
are
the ones who have decided to inflict the
the
ones
who
have
decided
to
inflict
the
pain. Not the president. The president
pain
Not
the
president
The
president
The president takes no no pleasure in
The
president
takes
no
no
pleasure
in
this
this
The president takes no pleasure in this.
The
president
takes
no
pleasure
in
this
The president takes only pleasure in
The
president
takes
only
pleasure
in
given the president's vascular
given
the
president's
vascular
condition. This might be the only thing
condition
This
might
be
the
only
thing
keeping him hard. I swear to you, his
keeping
him
hard
I
swear
to
you
his
catchphrase was literally, "You're
catchphrase
was
literally
You're
fired." His only reason for getting up
fired
His
only
reason
for
getting
up
in the morning is vengeance. Trump has
in
the
morning
is
vengeance
Trump
has
been steamrolling over the Democrats and
been
steamrolling
over
the
Democrats
and
the law so consistently since day one of
the
law
so
consistently
since
day
one
of
the presidency, the nation's pundits and
the
presidency
the
nation's
pundits
and
legal experts are running out of ways to
legal
experts
are
running
out
of
ways
to
describe it. The legality of this is
describe
it
The
legality
of
this
is
very much unclear.
very
much
unclear
>> Some sort of legal gray area.
>>
Some
sort
of
legal
gray
area
>> Extraordinarily shaky legal ground.
>>
Extraordinarily
shaky
legal
ground
>> Not technically currently illegal.
>>
Not
technically
currently
illegal
>> There's a lot of uh questionable
>>
There's
a
lot
of
uh
questionable
legality
legality
>> considered by legal experts to be
>>
considered
by
legal
experts
to
be
legally dubious.
legally
dubious
>> While Trump is not technically violating
>>
While
Trump
is
not
technically
violating
the law, he is violating the spirits of
the
law
he
is
violating
the
spirits
of
our laws.
our
laws
Word to the wise,
Word
to
the
wise
>> especially those programming sometimes
>>
especially
those
programming
sometimes
rather technical intense discussions of
rather
technical
intense
discussions
of
legal issues. Uh, you're going to want
legal
issues
Uh
you're
going
to
want
to leave the donut B-roll on the floor.
to
leave
the
donut
B-roll
on
the
floor
[Applause]
Applause
We're trying to listen to a lawyer and
We're
trying
to
listen
to
a
lawyer
and
the whole time like, is he going to hit
the
whole
time
like
is
he
going
to
hit
that mother?
that
mother
[Applause]
Applause
Look, man.
Look
man
75 million Americans voted for a
75
million
Americans
voted
for
a
Democrat in this last round of
Democrat
in
this
last
round
of
presidential elections. And at this
presidential
elections
And
at
this
moment, they have zero power at the
moment
they
have
zero
power
at
the
federal level. Not in the House, not in
federal
level
Not
in
the
House
not
in
the Senate, not in the executive, and
the
Senate
not
in
the
executive
and
not in the courts. There has not been a
not
in
the
courts
There
has
not
been
a
moment of consiliation or concern about
moment
of
consiliation
or
concern
about
the issues and policies that drove those
the
issues
and
policies
that
drove
those
75 million votes. Not a moment. At
75
million
votes
Not
a
moment
At
present, the Democrat's largest victory
present
the
Democrat's
largest
victory
over these past 8 months is getting a
over
these
past
8
months
is
getting
a
guy who may or may not be a criminal
guy
who
may
or
may
not
be
a
criminal
back from El Salvador so Trump could
back
from
El
Salvador
so
Trump
could
send him to Uganda. That was the big
send
him
to
Uganda
That
was
the
big
win. And then suddenly a small ask for
win
And
then
suddenly
a
small
ask
for
people's preservation of healthcare is a
people's
preservation
of
healthcare
is
a
Molotov cocktail because apparently
Molotov
cocktail
because
apparently
Republicans won't be satisfied with
Republicans
won't
be
satisfied
with
99.8% domination. They must have it all.
998
domination
They
must
have
it
all
ICE went from deporting the worst of the
ICE
went
from
deporting
the
worst
of
the
worst to throwing grandmothers onto
worst
to
throwing
grandmothers
onto
lenolium and zip tying American children
lenolium
and
zip
tying
American
children
and everyone's just supposed to be cool
and
everyone's
just
supposed
to
be
cool
with the new masked incredibly wellunded
with
the
new
masked
incredibly
wellunded
paramilitary group and Democrats are
paramilitary
group
and
Democrats
are
just reduced to petty gestures of
just
reduced
to
petty
gestures
of
restroom resistance.
restroom
resistance
>> Department of Homeland Security
>>
Department
of
Homeland
Security
Secretary Christy Gnome posted that she
Secretary
Christy
Gnome
posted
that
she
was blocked from entering a city
was
blocked
from
entering
a
city
building in Illinois.
building
in
Illinois
>> No, you cannot.
>>
No
you
cannot
>> We can
>>
We
can
open.
open
>> Okay. All right. Thank you. Interesting.
>>
Okay
All
right
Thank
you
Interesting
>> Now, that's what Governor Pritsker says
>>
Now
that's
what
Governor
Pritsker
says
is cooperation and keeping people safe.
is
cooperation
and
keeping
people
safe
>> Victory is ours.
>>
Victory
is
ours
>> Look, I've given Democrats an enormous
>>
Look
I've
given
Democrats
an
enormous
amount of for their poor
amount
of
for
their
poor
leadership, lack of specific and
leadership
lack
of
specific
and
actionable plans, terrible messaging,
actionable
plans
terrible
messaging
abysmal word play. Did I mention poor
abysmal
word
play
Did
I
mention
poor
leadership?
leadership
But standing up for 75 million Americans
But
standing
up
for
75
million
Americans
in this moment to defend the rights of
in
this
moment
to
defend
the
rights
of
people to go into a little less medical
people
to
go
into
a
little
less
medical
debt seems like the least they caning
debt
seems
like
the
least
they
caning
do. And perhaps
do
And
perhaps
and perhaps
and
perhaps
maybe that will remind the Republicans
maybe
that
will
remind
the
Republicans
that their mandate wasn't 100%. They've
that
their
mandate
wasn't
100
They've
just caught a constitutional,
just
caught
a
constitutional
administrative, and logistics break.
administrative
and
logistics
break
Because if this continues, as a wise man
Because
if
this
continues
as
a
wise
man
once said,
once
said
>> all that and now we can't, then uh it's
>>
all
that
and
now
we
can't
then
uh
it's
not good. Feeling not good.
not
good
Feeling
not
good
>> It's a feeling and not a good.
>>
It's
a
feeling
and
not
a
good
>> Yesterday, Trump was in the Oval Office
>>
Yesterday
Trump
was
in
the
Oval
Office
to announce the construction of a big
to
announce
the
construction
of
a
big
road in Alaska. Congrats, Alaska.
road
in
Alaska
Congrats
Alaska
You finally got a road.
You
finally
got
a
road
>> And if we know one thing about Trump,
>>
And
if
we
know
one
thing
about
Trump
it's that he likes to keep his press
it's
that
he
likes
to
keep
his
press
conferences focused and on topic. So,
conferences
focused
and
on
topic
So
let's hear what he has to say about this
let's
hear
what
he
has
to
say
about
this
cool road.
cool
road
>> I want to be good cuz you want to prove
>>
I
want
to
be
good
cuz
you
want
to
prove
to God that you're good. So, you go to
to
God
that
you're
good
So
you
go
to
that next step, right? Uh so, that's
that
next
step
right
Uh
so
that's
very important to me.
very
important
to
me
[Applause]
Applause
>> Trump, are you sick?
>>
Trump
are
you
sick
I mean, aside from all the visible signs
I
mean
aside
from
all
the
visible
signs
that your body is falling apart, are you
that
your
body
is
falling
apart
are
you
sick or something? Like, we should take
sick
or
something
Like
we
should
take
a second here, cuz this is the first
a
second
here
cuz
this
is
the
first
time I've seen Trump be humble about
time
I've
seen
Trump
be
humble
about
anything. Like, normally he'd be like,
anything
Like
normally
he'd
be
like
"Heaven's begging me to come.
Heaven's
begging
me
to
come
I'm only staying alive to play hard to
I'm
only
staying
alive
to
play
hard
to
get." Jesus came up to me with tears in
get
Jesus
came
up
to
me
with
tears
in
his eyes and he said, "Please, sir, come
his
eyes
and
he
said
Please
sir
come
fix heaven. It's a total dump."
fix
heaven
It's
a
total
dump
It's like he just realized he only has
It's
like
he
just
realized
he
only
has
immunity here on earth.
immunity
here
on
earth
>> And this isn't a one-off. Trump's been
>>
And
this
isn't
a
one-off
Trump's
been
talking about this heaven thing a lot
talking
about
this
heaven
thing
a
lot
lately.
lately
>> If you're not a believer and you believe
>>
If
you're
not
a
believer
and
you
believe
you go nowhere, what's the reason to be
you
go
nowhere
what's
the
reason
to
be
good? Really, there has to be some kind
good
Really
there
has
to
be
some
kind
of a a report card up there someplace,
of
a
a
report
card
up
there
someplace
you know, like let's go to heaven. Let's
you
know
like
let's
go
to
heaven
Let's
get into heaven. I want to try and get
get
into
heaven
I
want
to
try
and
get
to heaven if possible. I I'm hearing I'm
to
heaven
if
possible
I
I'm
hearing
I'm
not doing well. I really hit the bottom
not
doing
well
I
really
hit
the
bottom
of the totem, bro.
of
the
totem
bro
[Applause]
Applause
Oh. Oh, man. This is this is such a
Oh
Oh
man
This
is
this
is
such
a
bleak and completely accurate view of
bleak
and
completely
accurate
view
of
his chances in heaven.
his
chances
in
heaven
[Applause]
Applause
I will say though, you never want to see
I
will
say
though
you
never
want
to
see
the guy who's supposed to keep you
the
guy
who's
supposed
to
keep
you
healthy and safe talk about dying. Like,
healthy
and
safe
talk
about
dying
Like
he's supposed to be leading you. You
he's
supposed
to
be
leading
you
You
never want to hear a pilot over the
never
want
to
hear
a
pilot
over
the
system be like, "Oh, I just can't wait
system
be
like
Oh
I
just
can't
wait
to get into heaven."
to
get
into
heaven
Like, uh, can we get to Pittsburgh
Like
uh
can
we
get
to
Pittsburgh
first?
first
[Applause]
Applause
And look, I I don't know, man. Heaven is
And
look
I
I
don't
know
man
Heaven
is
tough to get into. Like, I I don't want
tough
to
get
into
Like
I
I
don't
want
to throw cold water on your hopes and
to
throw
cold
water
on
your
hopes
and
dreams, but you might want to think
dreams
but
you
might
want
to
think
about trying to get into like a safety
about
trying
to
get
into
like
a
safety
heaven, like whatever Sunni Albany of
heaven
like
whatever
Sunni
Albany
of
heaven is up there. You know what I
heaven
is
up
there
You
know
what
I
mean? Like, apply there, you know? Cuz
mean
Like
apply
there
you
know
Cuz
the truth is there's probably a good
the
truth
is
there's
probably
a
good
reason for Trump to worry about getting
reason
for
Trump
to
worry
about
getting
into heaven, you know? Is it? Yep. Yep.
into
heaven
you
know
Is
it
Yep
Yep
Yep.
Yep
[Applause]
Applause
That too. I mean, that that wasn't even
That
too
I
mean
that
that
wasn't
even
the first thing I thought of. Uh
the
first
thing
I
thought
of
Uh
crazy how many things there are. So, it
crazy
how
many
things
there
are
So
it
makes sense that Trump is worried,
makes
sense
that
Trump
is
worried
especially since he's not going to have
especially
since
he's
not
going
to
have
people like Attorney General Pam Bondi
people
like
Attorney
General
Pam
Bondi
at the pearly gates
at
the
pearly
gates
because she's been devoting every second
because
she's
been
devoting
every
second
getting him out of trouble here on
getting
him
out
of
trouble
here
on
Earth. They spent all summer trying to
Earth
They
spent
all
summer
trying
to
hide any mention of Trump in the Epstein
hide
any
mention
of
Trump
in
the
Epstein
files. And when Bondie was asked about
files
And
when
Bondie
was
asked
about
that today, she basically told senators,
that
today
she
basically
told
senators
"You can go to hell."
You
can
go
to
hell
>> So, who gave the order to flag records
>>
So
who
gave
the
order
to
flag
records
related to President Trump?
related
to
President
Trump
>> To flag records for President Trump.
>>
To
flag
records
for
President
Trump
>> To flag any records which included his
>>
To
flag
any
records
which
included
his
name.
name
>> I'm not going to discuss anything about
>>
I'm
not
going
to
discuss
anything
about
that with you, Senator.
that
with
you
Senator
What a tone. You know you're caught when
What
a
tone
You
know
you're
caught
when
you have to repeat what you were being
you
have
to
repeat
what
you
were
being
accused of back to the person like just
accused
of
back
to
the
person
like
just
so you have time to think like who's
so
you
have
time
to
think
like
who's
been texting me?
been
texting
me
Who's been texting me all night? You you
Who's
been
texting
me
all
night
You
you
want you want to see tech my text
want
you
want
to
see
tech
my
text
messages?
messages
You want to you want to see text
You
want
to
you
want
to
see
text
messages? Like a man can't even type
messages
Like
a
man
can't
even
type
anymore. This used to be a free country,
anymore
This
used
to
be
a
free
country
you know. I was like, "Fine, look. See,
you
know
I
was
like
Fine
look
See
you'll you'll see. I've never gotten a
you'll
you'll
see
I've
never
gotten
a
text message in my life."
text
message
in
my
life
And while Pam Bonnie is stonewalling the
And
while
Pam
Bonnie
is
stonewalling
the
Senate, Mike Johnson is shutting the
Senate
Mike
Johnson
is
shutting
the
whole House down. That way, no one can
whole
House
down
That
way
no
one
can
vote on releasing the Epstein Files. And
vote
on
releasing
the
Epstein
Files
And
of all people running interference for
of
all
people
running
interference
for
the Epstein Files, it's Mike Johnson.
the
Epstein
Files
it's
Mike
Johnson
You think someone who looks like an
You
think
someone
who
looks
like
an
11year-old boy
11year-old
boy
would care about pedophilia, all right?
would
care
about
pedophilia
all
right
You know,
You
know
[Applause]
Applause
cuz he might get caught in the
cuz
he
might
get
caught
in
the
crossfire. If you're someone who still
crossfire
If
you're
someone
who
still
has to say, "Put me down. I'm a grown
has
to
say
Put
me
down
I'm
a
grown
man." Then you should be fighting to
man
Then
you
should
be
fighting
to
release the Epstein files.
release
the
Epstein
files
With all these guys running defense for
With
all
these
guys
running
defense
for
Trump, all he has to do is act cool. You
Trump
all
he
has
to
do
is
act
cool
You
know, if you get a question, don't freak
know
if
you
get
a
question
don't
freak
out and then just act natural.
out
and
then
just
act
natural
>> The Supreme Court is back in session.
>>
The
Supreme
Court
is
back
in
session
They rejected today an appeal by Gain
They
rejected
today
an
appeal
by
Gain
Maxwell to overturn her conviction. That
Maxwell
to
overturn
her
conviction
That
means her only chance at getting out of
means
her
only
chance
at
getting
out
of
prison is a pardon from you. Is that
prison
is
a
pardon
from
you
Is
that
something you're open to doing?
something
you're
open
to
doing
>> Talking about Gain Maxwell. Uh,
>>
Talking
about
Gain
Maxwell
Uh
>> you know, I haven't heard the name in so
>>
you
know
I
haven't
heard
the
name
in
so
long.
long
[Applause]
Applause
I said act natural.
I
said
act
natural
>> I haven't heard the name in so long.
>>
I
haven't
heard
the
name
in
so
long
She's not asking you about the Baja men.
She's
not
asking
you
about
the
Baja
men
[Music]
Music
You're over here being like, "Who? Who
You're
over
here
being
like
Who
Who
who who?"
who
who
>> And look, look, maybe I'm not being
>>
And
look
look
maybe
I'm
not
being
fair. You know how long has it been
fair
You
know
how
long
has
it
been
since you last heard her name? Years.
since
you
last
heard
her
name
Years
>> Did you personally approve the prison
>>
Did
you
personally
approve
the
prison
transfer for Galileain Maxwell that your
transfer
for
Galileain
Maxwell
that
your
Justice Department
Justice
Department
>> I didn't know about it at all. No, I
>>
I
didn't
know
about
it
at
all
No
I
read about it just like you did.
read
about
it
just
like
you
did
>> Pardon for who?
>>
Pardon
for
who
>> For Gain Maxwell.
>>
For
Gain
Maxwell
>> Well, I'm allowed to give her a pardon.
>>
Well
I'm
allowed
to
give
her
a
pardon
>> Would you consider a pardon or a
>>
Would
you
consider
a
pardon
or
a
commutation for Gain Maxwell if
commutation
for
Gain
Maxwell
if
something I haven't thought about?
something
I
haven't
thought
about
>> Do you support the Justice Department
>>
Do
you
support
the
Justice
Department
seeking any interview with Maxwell?
seeking
any
interview
with
Maxwell
>> I don't know anything about it. that
>>
I
don't
know
anything
about
it
that
they're going to what? Meet her.
they're
going
to
what
Meet
her
>> That was all summer long. People say
>>
That
was
all
summer
long
People
say
2025 didn't have a summer song of the
2025
didn't
have
a
summer
song
of
the
year, but no. The song of the summer was
year
but
no
The
song
of
the
summer
was
the reporters asking Donald Trump about
the
reporters
asking
Donald
Trump
about
Gain Maxwell. If it was eligible, it
Gain
Maxwell
If
it
was
eligible
it
would have been number one on Billboard.
would
have
been
number
one
on
Billboard
But okay. Okay, take a breath. First
But
okay
Okay
take
a
breath
First
thing wasn't great. You can fix it. All
thing
wasn't
great
You
can
fix
it
All
right. They ask you if you're going to
right
They
ask
you
if
you're
going
to
pardon her. You barely remember her,
pardon
her
You
barely
remember
her
right? You don't know her and you're
right
You
don't
know
her
and
you're
trying to get into heaven, buddy.
trying
to
get
into
heaven
buddy
Remember, that's that's the plan. That's
Remember
that's
that's
the
plan
That's
the journey you're on. You're trying to
the
journey
you're
on
You're
trying
to
get into heaven and you don't even
get
into
heaven
and
you
don't
even
really know this lady. So, you're
really
know
this
lady
So
you're
obviously not even going to consider
obviously
not
even
going
to
consider
pardoning her.
pardoning
her
>> Well, I'll take a look at it. But you're
>>
Well
I'll
take
a
look
at
it
But
you're
considering I will speak to the DJ. I
considering
I
will
speak
to
the
DJ
I
wouldn't consider it or not consider. I
wouldn't
consider
it
or
not
consider
I
don't know anything about it. So far she
don't
know
anything
about
it
So
far
she
I will speak to the DA. Why would she
I
will
speak
to
the
DA
Why
would
she
be? But she was convicted of child sex
be
But
she
was
convicted
of
child
sex
trafficking.
trafficking
>> Yeah. I mean, I'm going to have to take
>>
Yeah
I
mean
I'm
going
to
have
to
take
a look at it.
a
look
at
it
>> Hey, man. Hey. Hey. Maybe when you hear
>>
Hey
man
Hey
Hey
Maybe
when
you
hear
the words child sex trafficking, the
the
words
child
sex
trafficking
the
next thing you say shouldn't be, "I'm
next
thing
you
say
shouldn't
be
I'm
going to look at it." All right.
going
to
look
at
it
All
right
[Applause]
Applause
The only way to phrase that worse is now
The
only
way
to
phrase
that
worse
is
now
I got to see this.
I
got
to
see
this
But okay. All right. None of that went
But
okay
All
right
None
of
that
went
well. None of that was ideal. But you
well
None
of
that
was
ideal
But
you
can do what you do best and throw a
can
do
what
you
do
best
and
throw
a
distraction in there. Change the topic
distraction
in
there
Change
the
topic
away from pardoning sex criminals.
away
from
pardoning
sex
criminals
>> I have a lot of people who have asked me
>>
I
have
a
lot
of
people
who
have
asked
me
for pardons. Uh uh I call him Puff
for
pardons
Uh
uh
I
call
him
Puff
Daddy. has asked me for a pardon.
Daddy
has
asked
me
for
a
pardon
[Applause]
Applause
>> Wait, so you don't remember Galain, but
>>
Wait
so
you
don't
remember
Galain
but
you remember that we used to call Diddy
you
remember
that
we
used
to
call
Diddy
Puff Daddy.
Puff
Daddy
[Applause]
Applause
That
That
That was nine names ago. He put brother
That
was
nine
names
ago
He
put
brother
in it at one point.
in
it
at
one
point
All you had to do was mention someone
All
you
had
to
do
was
mention
someone
else who was not convicted of sex
else
who
was
not
convicted
of
sex
crimes, which is most people
crimes
which
is
most
people
and you chose Diddy. And I want to
and
you
chose
Diddy
And
I
want
to
remind everyone, we were gathered here
remind
everyone
we
were
gathered
here
to talk about a road in Alaska.
to
talk
about
a
road
in
Alaska
I know the government is technically
I
know
the
government
is
technically
shut down, but that doesn't mean
shut
down
but
that
doesn't
mean
everything is shut down. Rest assured,
everything
is
shut
down
Rest
assured
friends, our politicians are still
friends
our
politicians
are
still
working hard to make sure the important
working
hard
to
make
sure
the
important
stuff is getting done. The Trump
stuff
is
getting
done
The
Trump
administration has ordered FBI employees
administration
has
ordered
FBI
employees
to search for papers or digital records
to
search
for
papers
or
digital
records
related to the disappearance of famed
related
to
the
disappearance
of
famed
pilot Amelia Heheart.
pilot
Amelia
Heheart
Hell yeah.
Hell
yeah
Trump heard we wanted to see the secret
Trump
heard
we
wanted
to
see
the
secret
files about the famous person with a
files
about
the
famous
person
with
a
private plane who suffered a mysterious
private
plane
who
suffered
a
mysterious
death and he was like Amelia Hehart. Got
death
and
he
was
like
Amelia
Hehart
Got
it.
it
Do we really need to see the Amelia
Do
we
really
need
to
see
the
Amelia
Heheart files? Like we know what
Heheart
files
Like
we
know
what
happened to her, you know? Like people
happened
to
her
you
know
Like
people
looked for her. I mean, not hard, but
looked
for
her
I
mean
not
hard
but
like it's But that's just because you
like
it's
But
that's
just
because
you
couldn't back then. All you could do is
couldn't
back
then
All
you
could
do
is
stand at the shore and scream Amelia.
stand
at
the
shore
and
scream
Amelia
[Applause]
Applause
Nothing. Okay. So, that's exciting news
Nothing
Okay
So
that's
exciting
news
for someone
for
someone
probably. But unfortunately for the rest
probably
But
unfortunately
for
the
rest
of us, the shutdown is affecting the
of
us
the
shutdown
is
affecting
the
planes that aren't missing.
planes
that
aren't
missing
>> This morning, growing gridlock for
>>
This
morning
growing
gridlock
for
travelers across the country as the
travelers
across
the
country
as
the
government shutdown hits air travel
government
shutdown
hits
air
travel
hard. The FAA warning of staff shortages
hard
The
FAA
warning
of
staff
shortages
at at least eight major locations,
at
at
least
eight
major
locations
threatening delays and cancellations in
threatening
delays
and
cancellations
in
Las Vegas, Chicago, Dallas, Houston,
Las
Vegas
Chicago
Dallas
Houston
Boston, Newark, Atlanta, and Nashville.
Boston
Newark
Atlanta
and
Nashville
Oh, damn. So many great American cities
Oh
damn
So
many
great
American
cities
and Vegas.
and
Vegas
But yeah, all across the country there's
But
yeah
all
across
the
country
there's
delays, shortages, and cancellations.
delays
shortages
and
cancellations
The only people that could possibly be
The
only
people
that
could
possibly
be
excited about this is Spirit Airlines.
excited
about
this
is
Spirit
Airlines
They're sitting at the airport like you
They're
sitting
at
the
airport
like
you
were all talking
were
all
talking
For years, you had jokes. We're all
For
years
you
had
jokes
We're
all
Spirit now.
Spirit
now
I bet they're all at the airport doing
I
bet
they're
all
at
the
airport
doing
their best Bane impressions. Like, I was
their
best
Bane
impressions
Like
I
was
born in the cancellations,
born
in
the
cancellations
molded by them.
molded
by
them
I didn't see a flight until I was
I
didn't
see
a
flight
until
I
was
already a man.
already
a
man
But basically, what's happening is the
But
basically
what's
happening
is
the
TSA agents and air traffic controllers
TSA
agents
and
air
traffic
controllers
still have to show up to work during a
still
have
to
show
up
to
work
during
a
shutdown even though they're not getting
shutdown
even
though
they're
not
getting
paid. So, a lot of them are saying, "If
paid
So
a
lot
of
them
are
saying
If
I'm not getting paid, I'm going to call
I'm
not
getting
paid
I'm
going
to
call
out sick." Which is understandable. TSA
out
sick
Which
is
understandable
TSA
have a hard job. You're going to run
have
a
hard
job
You're
going
to
run
your hands up some guy's butt crack and
your
hands
up
some
guy's
butt
crack
and
not get paid.
not
get
paid
So things are getting a little hairy in
So
things
are
getting
a
little
hairy
in
the skies, but don't worry
the
skies
but
don't
worry
because we've got Transportation
because
we've
got
Transportation
Secretary Shawn Duffy, former real world
Secretary
Shawn
Duffy
former
real
world
cast member and somehow most qualified
cast
member
and
somehow
most
qualified
cabinet member
cabinet
member
and he is on the case.
and
he
is
on
the
case
>> I'm here at Newark airport about to go
>>
I'm
here
at
Newark
airport
about
to
go
up into the tower and talk to some of
up
into
the
tower
and
talk
to
some
of
our air traffic controllers.
our
air
traffic
controllers
>> Okay, cool video. I like that you use
>>
Okay
cool
video
I
like
that
you
use
the music from a barbecue sauce ad. All
the
music
from
a
barbecue
sauce
ad
All
right,
right
but surely you aren't going to go up
but
surely
you
aren't
going
to
go
up
there into the tower and bother the air
there
into
the
tower
and
bother
the
air
traffic controllers while they're
traffic
controllers
while
they're
working.
working
>> How does the shutdown impact controllers
>>
How
does
the
shutdown
impact
controllers
and towers like this, not just in New
and
towers
like
this
not
just
in
New
York, but around the country?
York
but
around
the
country
>> I think the biggest thing is, you know,
>>
I
think
the
biggest
thing
is
you
know
it's just a distraction that we don't
it's
just
a
distraction
that
we
don't
need.
need
[Applause]
Applause
Yeah. Yeah. If there's one thing I don't
Yeah
Yeah
If
there's
one
thing
I
don't
need in a job like this, it's a
need
in
a
job
like
this
it's
a
distraction. The only thing more
distraction
The
only
thing
more
distracting than a shutdown would be if
distracting
than
a
shutdown
would
be
if
my boss showed up with a camera crew and
my
boss
showed
up
with
a
camera
crew
and
made me do an interview facing away from
made
me
do
an
interview
facing
away
from
the windows
the
windows
while I'm trying to land planes.
while
I'm
trying
to
land
planes
But anyway, I interrupted you, Sean
But
anyway
I
interrupted
you
Sean
Duffy. You were trying to give these air
Duffy
You
were
trying
to
give
these
air
traffic controllers a morale boost.
traffic
controllers
a
morale
boost
>> I have a wife that uh doesn't work, two
>>
I
have
a
wife
that
uh
doesn't
work
two
kids at home. Um if I don't get a
kids
at
home
Um
if
I
don't
get
a
paycheck here in a couple of weeks, you
paycheck
here
in
a
couple
of
weeks
you
know, I've still have to provide for
know
I've
still
have
to
provide
for
them. So, it's it's not something that I
them
So
it's
it's
not
something
that
I
want to have to be thinking about.
want
to
have
to
be
thinking
about
>> Mortgage, car payments, utility bills,
>>
Mortgage
car
payments
utility
bills
food, all issues. I'm a working guy just
food
all
issues
I'm
a
working
guy
just
like you are
like
you
are
[Applause]
Applause
>> not helping. All right. Damn Duffy. He
>>
not
helping
All
right
Damn
Duffy
He
knows what bills he has to pay. You
knows
what
bills
he
has
to
pay
You
don't need to make a whole Destiny's
don't
need
to
make
a
whole
Destiny's
Child song about it.
Child
song
about
it
He's up there like, "You got your
He's
up
there
like
You
got
your
mortgage, your car payment, your roof
mortgage
your
car
payment
your
roof
needs to be replaced. Man, I'd be
needs
to
be
replaced
Man
I'd
be
stressed if I was you.
stressed
if
I
was
you
Plus, your wife is home alone all day.
Plus
your
wife
is
home
alone
all
day
You don't know who she's banging."
You
don't
know
who
she's
banging
But you know what? Whether it's a
But
you
know
what
Whether
it's
a
distraction or not, I'm glad Shawn Duffy
distraction
or
not
I'm
glad
Shawn
Duffy
is talking to them about their problems.
is
talking
to
them
about
their
problems
It's a quick and direct response that
It's
a
quick
and
direct
response
that
shows no matter what happens, President
shows
no
matter
what
happens
President
Trump is not going to let this shutdown
Trump
is
not
going
to
let
this
shutdown
stop him from showing how much he cares
stop
him
from
showing
how
much
he
cares
about the health and well-being of the
about
the
health
and
well-being
of
the
federal workers. President Trump has
federal
workers
President
Trump
has
already threatened to fire federal
already
threatened
to
fire
federal
workers. And now the White House is
workers
And
now
the
White
House
is
floating a new threat, suggesting that
floating
a
new
threat
suggesting
that
some of the 750,000 federal workers
some
of
the
750000
federal
workers
might not get back pay.
might
not
get
back
pay
>> Damn, Donald.
>>
Damn
Donald
[Applause]
Applause
You're going to furlow these workers and
You're
going
to
furlow
these
workers
and
then take away their backpay. If I were
then
take
away
their
backpay
If
I
were
them, I'm stealing way more than normal.
them
I'm
stealing
way
more
than
normal
You know what I mean? When I get back,
You
know
what
I
mean
When
I
get
back
I'm coming to work with a screwdriver.
I'm
coming
to
work
with
a
screwdriver
Forget the toilet paper. I'm taking the
Forget
the
toilet
paper
I'm
taking
the
whole toilet.
whole
toilet
What else can you even do to these
What
else
can
you
even
do
to
these
people?
people
>> For the most part, we're going to take
>>
For
the
most
part
we're
going
to
take
care of our people. There are some
care
of
our
people
There
are
some
people that really don't deserve to be
people
that
really
don't
deserve
to
be
taken care of, and we'll take care of
taken
care
of
and
we'll
take
care
of
them in a different way.
them
in
a
different
way
I guess kill them.
I
guess
kill
them
>> He's not very good at delivering
>>
He's
not
very
good
at
delivering
threats. Like, I'll take care of them in
threats
Like
I'll
take
care
of
them
in
a different way could mean anything from
a
different
way
could
mean
anything
from
murder to giving them a happy ending.
murder
to
giving
them
a
happy
ending
But here's the thing, Donald. Are you
But
here's
the
thing
Donald
Are
you
sure you want to be piling more stress
sure
you
want
to
be
piling
more
stress
on air traffic controllers because they
on
air
traffic
controllers
because
they
were already air traffic controllers?
were
already
air
traffic
controllers
That job is like juggling and playing
That
job
is
like
juggling
and
playing
Russian roulette at the same time. I
Russian
roulette
at
the
same
time
I
don't think they can handle not getting
don't
think
they
can
handle
not
getting
back pay. And if the air traffic control
back
pay
And
if
the
air
traffic
control
system falls apart, this is bad for you
system
falls
apart
this
is
bad
for
you
because if you can't fly anymore, that
because
if
you
can't
fly
anymore
that
Qatari jet you got is just going to be
Qatari
jet
you
got
is
just
going
to
be
sitting on the White House lawn like a
sitting
on
the
White
House
lawn
like
a
white trash Winnebago.
white
trash
Winnebago
Let's get right into the biggest story
Let's
get
right
into
the
biggest
story
in the world. This is one of those
in
the
world
This
is
one
of
those
sentences that you almost never hear,
sentences
that
you
almost
never
hear
but there's good news coming out of the
but
there's
good
news
coming
out
of
the
Middle East.
Middle
East
>> Major breakthrough in the Middle East.
>>
Major
breakthrough
in
the
Middle
East
President Trump was the first to
President
Trump
was
the
first
to
announce that Israel and Hamas have
announce
that
Israel
and
Hamas
have
agreed to the first phase of a deal that
agreed
to
the
first
phase
of
a
deal
that
could lead to the end of the war in
could
lead
to
the
end
of
the
war
in
Gaza.
Gaza
>> This is more than Gaza. This is peace in
>>
This
is
more
than
Gaza
This
is
peace
in
the Middle East. And it's an incredible
the
Middle
East
And
it's
an
incredible
thing.
thing
>> Over in Gaza, Palestinian men and boys
>>
Over
in
Gaza
Palestinian
men
and
boys
ran into the streets clapping and
ran
into
the
streets
clapping
and
cheering. In Israel, a similar scene of
cheering
In
Israel
a
similar
scene
of
joy.
joy
>> That's right. A peace deal has been
>>
That's
right
A
peace
deal
has
been
reached between Israel and Hamas. And
reached
between
Israel
and
Hamas
And
it's based on the framework Donald Trump
it's
based
on
the
framework
Donald
Trump
proposed. Which means another thing you
proposed
Which
means
another
thing
you
almost never hear, and I can't believe
almost
never
hear
and
I
can't
believe
I'm saying this. I got to give Donald
I'm
saying
this
I
got
to
give
Donald
Trump some props here. You know, it
Trump
some
props
here
You
know
it
doesn't happen a lot.
doesn't
happen
a
lot
In fact, I can only think of this, the
In
fact
I
can
only
think
of
this
the
COVID vaccine, and Home Alone, too.
COVID
vaccine
and
Home
Alone
too
No.
No
Don't get me wrong, this is astonishing
Don't
get
me
wrong
this
is
astonishing
because if this piece holds, it means
because
if
this
piece
holds
it
means
the guy who couldn't stop a fight
the
guy
who
couldn't
stop
a
fight
between Gary Buucy and Meatloaf brokered
between
Gary
Buucy
and
Meatloaf
brokered
peace in the Middle East.
peace
in
the
Middle
East
So Trump, when it comes to peace, you
So
Trump
when
it
comes
to
peace
you
did it. You know, I I mean, you also did
did
it
You
know
I
I
mean
you
also
did
a big portion of the war, but you did
a
big
portion
of
the
war
but
you
did
the peace, too. It's It's like how white
the
peace
too
It's
It's
like
how
white
people did slavery in America, but but
people
did
slavery
in
America
but
but
they also ended slavery in America.
they
also
ended
slavery
in
America
And I just want to say thank you. Thank
And
I
just
want
to
say
thank
you
Thank
you.
you
Either way, this is a reason to
Either
way
this
is
a
reason
to
celebrate. And look, if this deal holds,
celebrate
And
look
if
this
deal
holds
maybe we should give Trump the Nobel
maybe
we
should
give
Trump
the
Nobel
Peace Prize.
Peace
Prize
or or or you won't like this either. We
or
or
or
you
won't
like
this
either
We
let him burn the Epstein files.
let
him
burn
the
Epstein
files
He only gets one, but he gets to pick.
He
only
gets
one
but
he
gets
to
pick
All right.
All
right
Now, maybe you're wondering how the
Now
maybe
you're
wondering
how
the
world found out about this peace deal.
world
found
out
about
this
peace
deal
Was it a grand announcement like the
Was
it
a
grand
announcement
like
the
Tree of Versailles or like the end of
Tree
of
Versailles
or
like
the
end
of
World War II where nurses and soldiers
World
War
II
where
nurses
and
soldiers
met up in Time Square just to make out?
met
up
in
Time
Square
just
to
make
out
No. No. This is Trump's America, so it
No
No
This
is
Trump's
America
so
it
was much stupider. At the White House
was
much
stupider
At
the
White
House
yesterday, the president interrupted by
yesterday
the
president
interrupted
by
Secretary of State Marco Rubio, seen
Secretary
of
State
Marco
Rubio
seen
handing him a note and then whispering
handing
him
a
note
and
then
whispering
in Trump's ear. Photographers catching
in
Trump's
ear
Photographers
catching
the handwritten message. We need you to
the
handwritten
message
We
need
you
to
approve a truth social post soon so you
approve
a
truth
social
post
soon
so
you
can announce deal first.
can
announce
deal
first
Wait, they plan his truth social post?
Wait
they
plan
his
truth
social
post
So when I see one all misspelled and
So
when
I
see
one
all
misspelled
and
half in caps at 3 in the morning, that
half
in
caps
at
3
in
the
morning
that
was the plan.
was
the
plan
It's like scheduling that you're going
It's
like
scheduling
that
you're
going
to your pants.
to
your
pants
But you know what? If he can resolve the
But
you
know
what
If
he
can
resolve
the
conflict in the Middle East, maybe he
conflict
in
the
Middle
East
maybe
he
truly is the president of peace. Maybe
truly
is
the
president
of
peace
Maybe
some of that peace and tranquility is
some
of
that
peace
and
tranquility
is
going to come back to us.
going
to
come
back
to
us
>> President Trump sending National Guard
>>
President
Trump
sending
National
Guard
troops into American cities. Trump is
troops
into
American
cities
Trump
is
insisting that troops are needed in
insisting
that
troops
are
needed
in
cities like Chicago, Memphis, and
cities
like
Chicago
Memphis
and
Portland.
Portland
>> We have an insurrection act for a
>>
We
have
an
insurrection
act
for
a
reason.
reason
>> Damn. Th
>>
Damn
Th
this feels like he made peace abroad
this
feels
like
he
made
peace
abroad
just so he could bring everybody back to
just
so
he
could
bring
everybody
back
to
whoop ass here. I mean, a president
whoop
ass
here
I
mean
a
president
hasn't invoked the Insurrection Act
hasn't
invoked
the
Insurrection
Act
since the LA riots, which for Trump is
since
the
LA
riots
which
for
Trump
is
actually a surprisingly recent
actually
a
surprisingly
recent
president. Usually, he's invoking
president
Usually
he's
invoking
something that hasn't been used in 300
something
that
hasn't
been
used
in
300
years, like the anti-witch you can toss
years
like
the
anti-witch
you
can
toss
a off a cliff at of 1692.
a
off
a
cliff
at
of
1692
[Applause]
Applause
But what's happening in Portland that
But
what's
happening
in
Portland
that
requires Trump to send troops in? Well,
requires
Trump
to
send
troops
in
Well
Trump held a big meeting yesterday to
Trump
held
a
big
meeting
yesterday
to
explain why.
explain
why
>> It should be clear to all Americans that
>>
It
should
be
clear
to
all
Americans
that
we have a very serious left-wing terror
we
have
a
very
serious
left-wing
terror
threat in our country. radicals
threat
in
our
country
radicals
associated with the domestic terror
associated
with
the
domestic
terror
group. Antifa.
group
Antifa
>> Antifa. That's who you're declaring a
>>
Antifa
That's
who
you're
declaring
a
domestic terrorist organization. That's
domestic
terrorist
organization
That's
tricky because while there are people
tricky
because
while
there
are
people
who identify as Antifa, it isn't really
who
identify
as
Antifa
it
isn't
really
an official group. They don't even have
an
official
group
They
don't
even
have
a website. Like my cousin's baby has its
a
website
Like
my
cousin's
baby
has
its
own website
own
website
and that's an ugly baby.
and
that's
an
ugly
baby
Its voice changed in the womb. You put
Its
voice
changed
in
the
womb
You
put
your ear to his mom's stomach and you
your
ear
to
his
mom's
stomach
and
you
just heard, "I'm coming."
just
heard
I'm
coming
So, no website, no brickandmortar store.
So
no
website
no
brickandmortar
store
So, if you're sending troops to
So
if
you're
sending
troops
to
Portland, how sophisticated could Antifa
Portland
how
sophisticated
could
Antifa
be?
be
>> This network of Antifa is just as
>>
This
network
of
Antifa
is
just
as
sophisticated as MS-13, as TDA, as ISIS,
sophisticated
as
MS-13
as
TDA
as
ISIS
as Hezbollah, as Hamas, as all of them.
as
Hezbollah
as
Hamas
as
all
of
them
>> Wait, what?
>>
Wait
what
And they're here.
And
they're
here
She made Antifa feel like the Power
She
made
Antifa
feel
like
the
Power
Rangers of terrorism. Like they got some
Rangers
of
terrorism
Like
they
got
some
of everybody. They got MS-13, ISIS. They
of
everybody
They
got
MS-13
ISIS
They
got letters, numbers, Hezbollah, Hamas.
got
letters
numbers
Hezbollah
Hamas
I don't know what TDA is, but they got
I
don't
know
what
TDA
is
but
they
got
some of that, too.
some
of
that
too
Okay, Christine Gnome, your homeland
Okay
Christine
Gnome
your
homeland
security. You got to get out there to
security
You
got
to
get
out
there
to
Portland and take care of business.
Portland
and
take
care
of
business
Christine M went on the roof of the ICE
Christine
M
went
on
the
roof
of
the
ICE
building to survey the scene.
building
to
survey
the
scene
[Applause]
Applause
Okay. Okay. That doesn't look that
Okay
Okay
That
doesn't
look
that
scary, but you have to remember how
scary
but
you
have
to
remember
how
scary it is for her to encounter a farm
scary
it
is
for
her
to
encounter
a
farm
animal when she's unarmed.
animal
when
she's
unarmed
But you know, you know these cities,
But
you
know
you
know
these
cities
they look innocent during the day. I bet
they
look
innocent
during
the
day
I
bet
you that was just the Antifa that
you
that
was
just
the
Antifa
that
doesn't have jobs. All right. At night,
doesn't
have
jobs
All
right
At
night
at night, that must be when Antifa comes
at
night
that
must
be
when
Antifa
comes
out to do all the nasty terrorism. Let's
out
to
do
all
the
nasty
terrorism
Let's
look at Portland at night this week.
look
at
Portland
at
night
this
week
All right. All right. Fear is a powerful
All
right
All
right
Fear
is
a
powerful
drug, but so is MDMA.
drug
but
so
is
MDMA
Listen, Trump, I'm trying to be an ally,
Listen
Trump
I'm
trying
to
be
an
ally
but right now I don't really see
but
right
now
I
don't
really
see
dangerous criminals. I just see virgins.
dangerous
criminals
I
just
see
virgins
All right?
All
right
And I'm not sure we need the military
And
I'm
not
sure
we
need
the
military
for that because everything that they
for
that
because
everything
that
they
claim is happening in Portland, it's all
claim
is
happening
in
Portland
it's
all
happening on one city block in front of
happening
on
one
city
block
in
front
of
one ice building. The rest of the city
one
ice
building
The
rest
of
the
city
is completely normal. I mean, it's still
is
completely
normal
I
mean
it's
still
Portland. So, so it's normal, but it's
Portland
So
so
it's
normal
but
it's
like Portland normal. You know what I
like
Portland
normal
You
know
what
I
mean? Like like there will be a naked
mean
Like
like
there
will
be
a
naked
guy with a handlebar mustache riding a
guy
with
a
handlebar
mustache
riding
a
unicycle down the street, but that's
unicycle
down
the
street
but
that's
supposed to be happening. All right.
supposed
to
be
happening
All
right
So far, all I've seen is a guy in a
So
far
all
I've
seen
is
a
guy
in
a
chicken suit and episode of Barney. All
chicken
suit
and
episode
of
Barney
All
right, but maybe there's something I'm
right
but
maybe
there's
something
I'm
missing.
missing
>> The amazing thing is you look at
>>
The
amazing
thing
is
you
look
at
Portland and you see fires all over the
Portland
and
you
see
fires
all
over
the
place. It's like uh the movies where you
place
It's
like
uh
the
movies
where
you
have these bombed out cities. I don't
have
these
bombed
out
cities
I
don't
know what could be worse than Portland.
know
what
could
be
worse
than
Portland
You don't even have stores anymore.
You
don't
even
have
stores
anymore
[Applause]
Applause
>> There are no stores in Portland.
>>
There
are
no
stores
in
Portland
You're telling me if I type stores in
You're
telling
me
if
I
type
stores
in
Portland into Google Maps, it'll just be
Portland
into
Google
Maps
it'll
just
be
like, "Nah, no. This is one of those
like
Nah
no
This
is
one
of
those
store cities.
store
cities
Nah, we not doing that nasty stuff over
Nah
we
not
doing
that
nasty
stuff
over
here." Okay. Also, not having stores
here
Okay
Also
not
having
stores
isn't exactly the worst thing about a
isn't
exactly
the
worst
thing
about
a
war zone. No one was looking at
war
zone
No
one
was
looking
at
Hiroshima like, "The devastation was
Hiroshima
like
The
devastation
was
incredible. Not a single Bob's Discount
incredible
Not
a
single
Bob's
Discount
Furniture left standing.
Furniture
left
standing
But here's the thing, Trump. I don't
But
here's
the
thing
Trump
I
don't
think the situation in Portland is a
think
the
situation
in
Portland
is
a
five alarm defcon one bust out the
five
alarm
defcon
one
bust
out
the
windows type of emergency. And I don't
windows
type
of
emergency
And
I
don't
think you think that either because this
think
you
think
that
either
because
this
whole meeting where you're talking about
whole
meeting
where
you're
talking
about
how dangerous Antifa is, you all look
how
dangerous
Antifa
is
you
all
look
bored as hell.
bored
as
hell
Trump is falling asleep. Pam Bondi got
Trump
is
falling
asleep
Pam
Bondi
got
to tilt her neck up to stay awake. You
to
tilt
her
neck
up
to
stay
awake
You
know, Steven Miller is is yawning.
know
Steven
Miller
is
is
yawning
The most radical person in the cabinet
The
most
radical
person
in
the
cabinet
looked like he drank. You know, he looks
looked
like
he
drank
You
know
he
looks
like he's sitting at a piano recital
like
he's
sitting
at
a
piano
recital
after his kid finished.
after
his
kid
finished
[Applause]
Applause
>> Also, you would think that if we're all
>>
Also
you
would
think
that
if
we're
all
about to die, Antif would be the only
about
to
die
Antif
would
be
the
only
network on your mind.
network
on
your
mind
>> ABC is terrible. NBC is terrible. MSNBC
>>
ABC
is
terrible
NBC
is
terrible
MSNBC
is dying and CNN is dying like a dog.
is
dying
and
CNN
is
dying
like
a
dog
MSNBC is sick. They're sick. I would say
MSNBC
is
sick
They're
sick
I
would
say
CNN is not quite as bad as MS. Poor CNN.
CNN
is
not
quite
as
bad
as
MS
Poor
CNN
That's so pathetic. Beautiful black
That's
so
pathetic
Beautiful
black
women are wearing a MAGA hat last night
women
are
wearing
a
MAGA
hat
last
night
on television.
on
television
>> Come on, guys. All right. The plan is to
>>
Come
on
guys
All
right
The
plan
is
to
scare people about Antifa. You're not
scare
people
about
Antifa
You're
not
going to do that if you keep trailing
going
to
do
that
if
you
keep
trailing
off about hot black women you remember.
off
about
hot
black
women
you
remember
All right.
All
right
So, look, I'm not saying that there's no
So
look
I'm
not
saying
that
there's
no
such thing as Antifa, but I look at
such
thing
as
Antifa
but
I
look
at
Antifa the way I look at Bigfoot. It's
Antifa
the
way
I
look
at
Bigfoot
It's
big, scary, and tearing up the Pacific
big
scary
and
tearing
up
the
Pacific
Northwest. But all we ever hear about is
Northwest
But
all
we
ever
hear
about
is
what the people who believe in it think
what
the
people
who
believe
in
it
think
is happening.
is
happening
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