Watch and Learn - Jon Stewart on Trump's "Meritocracy" & Desi Lydic on MAGA Moving Iran Goalposts

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[THEME MUSIC]

THEME MUSIC

World Cup ended yesterday, finito,

World Cup ended yesterday finito

with Spain defeating Argentina 1-0 on the pitch in the footie.

with Spain defeating Argentina 1-0 on the pitch in the footie

The Spain-Argentina final was like a reverse Super Bowl,

The Spain-Argentina final was like a reverse Super Bowl

where the players spoke Spanish and the halftime show

was in English.

was in English

They had Madonna and Justin Bieber and for some reason,

They had Madonna and Justin Bieber and for some reason

the Muppets.

the Muppets

Holy shit.

Holy shit

Is that the count?

Is that the count

You got all the Muppets to choose from.

You got all the Muppets to choose from

Why in God's name would you make the vampire work

during the day?

during the day

Not only is it the bright glare of the afternoon sun,

Not only is it the bright glare of the afternoon sun

but for most of the game, the score was 0-0.

but for most of the game the score was 0-0

You're taunting this poor bastard.

You're taunting this poor bastard

I sat in traffic for 1, 2, 3 hours for this.

I sat in traffic for 1 2 3 hours for this

I'm burning alive.

I'm burning alive

By the way, congrats to World Cup

By the way congrats to World Cup

champions, Spain, España, clearly the best team

champions Spain España clearly the best team

in this year's tournament.

in this year's tournament

And they celebrated receiving the World Cup trophy

with a trophy hoist, which is traditionally--

with a trophy hoist which is traditionally-

it's a moment that is shared really

only by the players, a special moment

only by the players a special moment

that is only for the players.

that is only for the players

It was really-- what the [BLEEP]

It was really- what the BLEEP

are you doing on the stage?

are you doing on the stage

It's for the players.

It's for the players

Goddamn!

Goddamn

Why must everything be tainted by the overinflated ego

of Cankles Muldoon?

of Cankles Muldoon

Why?

Why

Why?

Why

I will admit this.

I will admit this

Afterwards, Trump had some really

Afterwards Trump had some really

insightful post-game analysis.

insightful post-game analysis

I thought it was incredible.

I thought it was incredible

It was four times greater than any FIFA ever held.

It was four times greater than any FIFA ever held

What's a FIFA?

What's a FIFA

How do you hold a FIFA?

How do you hold a FIFA

How could our FIFA be four times

greater than any other FIFA?

greater than any other FIFA

And it's probably about five times,

And it's probably about five times

actually, they're telling me today.

actually they're telling me today

Is that what they told you?

Is that what they told you

You know, they're telling you that because everyone

You know they're telling you that because everyone

around you lies to you, because you were a weirdo baby.

around you lies to you because you were a weirdo baby

Can we go back a second, though?

Can we go back a second though

And I don't mean to--

And I don't mean to-

what's up with the guy behind Trump?

what's up with the guy behind Trump

Can we see that again?

Can we see that again

Can you bring that out?

Can you bring that out

Who the-- who the [BLEEP] is this guy?

Who the- who the BLEEP is this guy

Who the [BLEEP] is this-- is this-- what--

Who the BLEEP is this- is this- what-

who in the world is this-- oh my God!

who in the world is this- oh my God

Is that a backup Trump?

Is that a backup Trump

Is that-- wait a minute.

Is that- wait a minute

Wait.

Wait

Hold on a second.

Hold on a second

Wait what?

Wait what

Wait who?

Wait who

What?

What

Is that a backup Trump, or is that Trump?

Is that a backup Trump or is that Trump

Wait, is the one we've been dealing with backup Trump?

Wait is the one we've been dealing with backup Trump

Or is that Trump's--

Or is that Trump's-

Let's move on from the World Cup Final

to something with no actual end in sight, the Iran war.

to something with no actual end in sight the Iran war

The Iran war is reigniting.

The Iran war is reigniting

And as escalation continues with more intense and

widespread bombing, there's no sign that either side

widespread bombing there's no sign that either side

is prepared in any way to--

is prepared in any way to-

God-- this is-- you're not in this graphic!

God- this is- you're not in this graphic

You're not in this graphic.

You're not in this graphic

What-- we have talked about this.

What- we have talked about this

You're not in this--

You're not in this-

get him out of the graphic.

get him out of the graphic

You're--

You're-

[CHEERING]

CHEERING

So needy.

So needy

Is that real Trump or backup Trump?

Is that real Trump or backup Trump

I don't know what's happening.

I don't know what's happening

Anyway, clearly, the war is escalating,

Anyway clearly the war is escalating

and Americans are rightly concerned

that we will be drawn even further

into a war that has already cost too much

in American lives and money.

in American lives and money

And so it was that Donald Trump delivered

a prime time speech on Thursday night to address

this urgent situation.

this urgent situation

In mid-2018, China was working to influence

In mid-2018 China was working to influence

the results of the US midterm elections

and later the results of the 2020

presidential election itself.

presidential election itself

They wanted to just make you sound

like your president wasn't so hot,

like your president wasn't so hot

when actually your president has done a great job.

when actually your president has done a great job

Those Chinese bastards.

Those Chinese bastards

I'll have you know, both Presidents Trump

I'll have you know both Presidents Trump

are hot as [BLEEP] and doing a great job.

are hot as BLEEP and doing a great job

Blue tie is doing a little better than red tie.

Blue tie is doing a little better than red tie

But still-- but yes, apparently, the president

But still- but yes apparently the president

of the United States called this meeting

to announce a new entry in his long-running mystery series,

to announce a new entry in his long-running mystery series

2020 Election, What Had Happened Was.

2020 Election What Had Happened Was

With the turn of a dial or the change of a chip,

With the turn of a dial or the change of a chip

you can press a button for Trump,

you can press a button for Trump

and the vote goes to Biden.

and the vote goes to Biden

Illegal aliens and dead people are voting.

Illegal aliens and dead people are voting

Big technology companies censored

the Hunter Biden laptop story, which

the Hunter Biden laptop story which

independent analysis have said cost Donald Trump

millions of votes.

millions of votes

Sure.

Sure

That surely would have changed the outcome.

That surely would have changed the outcome

I remember back in 2020, when we were all wearing masks and

I remember back in 2020 when we were all wearing masks and

socially distancing for fear we would

come across a Hunter Biden dick pic.

come across a Hunter Biden dick pic

So now they've settled on maybe China did it,

So now they've settled on maybe China did it

a theory that lasted all the way until a few minutes

after Thursday night's speech, when reporters caught up

after Thursday night's speech when reporters caught up

with John Solomon, the guy Trump

with John Solomon the guy Trump

hired to find any evidence that China did it.

hired to find any evidence that China did it

Do you acknowledge that there were no votes changed in 2020?

Do you acknowledge that there were no votes changed in 2020

All I can acknowledge is what the intelligence shows.

All I can acknowledge is what the intelligence shows

I only know the intelligence community has

zero evidence that someone--

zero evidence that someone-

that a foreign power flipped a vote in 2020, 2022, or 2024.

that a foreign power flipped a vote in 2020 2022 or 2024

2020 election was in fact the results, as we--

2020 election was in fact the results as we-

the American public--

the American public-

I'm still researching.

I'm still researching

So let me-- this is the first--

So let me- this is the first-

- But there's no intelligence. - Not yet.

But there's no intelligence Not yet

He's got to go.

He's got to go

He's got to go.

He's got to go

There's is no intelligence.

There's is no intelligence

Can-- can he still see me?

Can- can he still see me

The man's literally backpedaling.

The man's literally backpedaling

Look, we have fun, but I'm not actually worried

Look we have fun but I'm not actually worried

about our election security, because we

about our election security because we

have a robust cybersecurity and infrastructure

agency that monitors threats to our system.

agency that monitors threats to our system

And knowing that that's a priority

of the Trump administration gives me great comfort.

of the Trump administration gives me great comfort

Trump fired a third of the workers

last year at CISA, the Cybersecurity

last year at CISA the Cybersecurity

and Infrastructure Agency.

and Infrastructure Agency

Oh!

Well, that news would have me shitting my pants

Well that news would have me shitting my pants

if I wasn't already shitting my pants

due to the cuts to our food monitoring

system that has produced--

system that has produced-

[CHEERING]

CHEERING

A nationwide diarrhea outbreak.

A nationwide diarrhea outbreak

But at least we have that outbreak under control,

But at least we have that outbreak under control

as our incredibly competent FDA has finally identified

the source of the outbreak.

the source of the outbreak

The Food and Drug Administration

now taking back what it said about the source

of the cyclospora outbreak.

of the cyclospora outbreak

The FDA now says the sample from Mexico-based Taylor Farms

was a false positive.

was a false positive

The FDA admitted it made a mistake and apologized.

The FDA admitted it made a mistake and apologized

Don't apologize to me.

Don't apologize to me

Apologize to this great nation's gaping, burning anus.

Apologize to this great nation's gaping burning anus

You know what I'm talking about.

You know what I'm talking about

We were talking about it in the questions before the show.

We were talking about it in the questions before the show

Many of these people are here even

though clearly have diarrhea.

though clearly have diarrhea

But you know what? It doesn't even matter.

But you know what It doesn't even matter

It's fine.

It's fine

We're OK.

We're OK

We can still soothe our burning anuses

in the cool, crystal-clear waters

in the cool crystal-clear waters

of our nation's Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.

of our nation's Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool

Tonight, the reflecting pool in the nation's

Tonight the reflecting pool in the nation's

Capitol being drained again.

Capitol being drained again

No!

The reflecting pool is closed.

The reflecting pool is closed

Where will we wash our lettuce?

Where will we wash our lettuce

You know, I'm starting to get the sense

You know I'm starting to get the sense

that this administration is not as competent--

that this administration is not as competent-

stay with me, not as competent as we've been led to believe.

stay with me not as competent as we've been led to believe

And it's not just the pool or the diarrhea.

And it's not just the pool or the diarrhea

Trump said he was going to cut our energy bills in half.

Trump said he was going to cut our energy bills in half

Electricity is up 18%.

Electricity is up 18

He said gas prices would go below $2 a gallon.

He said gas prices would go below 2 a gallon

It's up to $4 a gallon.

It's up to 4 a gallon

He said he was going to stop new wars.

He said he was going to stop new wars

He's bombed at least seven other countries.

He's bombed at least seven other countries

He said he was going to lead a boom in manufacturing jobs.

He said he was going to lead a boom in manufacturing jobs

We've lost tens of thousands of manufacturing jobs.

We've lost tens of thousands of manufacturing jobs

They said they would be saying Merry Christmas again.

They said they would be saying Merry Christmas again

No one has wished me Merry Christmas in months.

No one has wished me Merry Christmas in months

This country was going to enter a golden age,

This country was going to enter a golden age

because only qualified people would be in charge now.

because only qualified people would be in charge now

They promised no more the woke bullshit that had held

this country down for so long.

this country down for so long

We will terminate every diversity,

We will terminate every diversity

equity, and inclusion program.

equity and inclusion program

DEI is a cancer.

DEI is a cancer

It's a cancer that destroys merit.

It's a cancer that destroys merit

We want the most competent people.

We want the most competent people

They have to be at the highest level of genius.

They have to be at the highest level of genius

A meritocracy.

A meritocracy

Isn't that a beautiful word, meritocracy?

Isn't that a beautiful word meritocracy

Meritocracy, it is a beautiful word.

Meritocracy it is a beautiful word

Where the [BLEEP] is it?

Where the BLEEP is it

Where is this meritocracy?

Where is this meritocracy

We have seen no evidence of it.

We have seen no evidence of it

None!

None

It's just another word, like diaphanous or Jimothy.

It's just another word like diaphanous or Jimothy

May I just say something quickly about Jimothy?

May I just say something quickly about Jimothy

Hear me out.

Hear me out

Hear me out.

Hear me out

I [BLEEP] with jimothy.

I BLEEP with jimothy

I [BLEEP] with Jimothy.

I BLEEP with Jimothy

I [BLEEP] with him heavy.

I BLEEP with him heavy

Now I know some of you were perhaps

worried about what I might say because

of my previous Punch kerfuffle.

of my previous Punch kerfuffle

Let me tell you people something.

Let me tell you people something

Jimothy is everything Punch wishes he could be.

Jimothy is everything Punch wishes he could be

Yes yes.

Yes yes

Look, look, look at Jimothy.

Look look look at Jimothy

Look at him cavorting.

Look at him cavorting

That's his family cavorting with Jimothy

when he was a baby. Look at them all.

when he was a baby Look at them all

They love Jimothy.

They love Jimothy

That's not my judgment.

That's not my judgment

That is the judgment of the community.

That is the judgment of the community

They have decided.

They have decided

Not an easy decision, by the way.

Not an easy decision by the way

I'm sure at first they were like,

I'm sure at first they were like

is that a raccoon or an ottoman?

is that a raccoon or an ottoman

I don't know what's happening.

I don't know what's happening

But I'll tell you what I think Jimothy is.

But I'll tell you what I think Jimothy is

A short king.

A short king

Point is, Jimothy has merit, unlike all

Point is Jimothy has merit unlike all

those that were running the government before Trump.

those that were running the government before Trump

And Trump's merry band of gifted and talented technocrats

stepped in to save the day.

stepped in to save the day

First stop for them to save the day was the economy.

First stop for them to save the day was the economy

No longer would our nation's growth engine be hijacked

by lesbians and Latinxes.

by lesbians and Latinxes

No!

The best and the brightest would be in charge from here

on out, and the results to the economy would be immediate.

on out and the results to the economy would be immediate

I think we're off to a great start.

I think we're off to a great start

And President Trump is going to bring back the golden age.

And President Trump is going to bring back the golden age

Yes!

Yes

But unfortunately, DEI had a greater stranglehold

But unfortunately DEI had a greater stranglehold

on the levers of our government than we had originally thought.

on the levers of our government than we had originally thought

The first quarter, surely, Biden--

The first quarter surely Biden-

oh, all right.

oh all right

Well, the first quarter then.

Well the first quarter then

Q2 that ends in April.

Q2 that ends in April

So April is when our best and brightest finally--

So April is when our best and brightest finally-

It's coming, and it's coming now.

It's coming and it's coming now

And I tell you what, it feels great.

And I tell you what it feels great

Enough about your Epstein testimony.

Enough about your Epstein testimony

What about the economy?

What about the economy

In the not-too-distant future, I think we will be back

In the not-too-distant future I think we will be back

to firing on all cylinders.

to firing on all cylinders

So May?

So May

Over the next three months--

Over the next three months-

So the economy will be fixed by our meritocracy three

months, by August of 2025?

months by August of 2025

I think we're going to really pick up in the fourth quarter.

I think we're going to really pick up in the fourth quarter

So no later than December of 2025?

So no later than December of 2025

I think we are at the cusp of the liftoff in 2026, 2027.

I think we are at the cusp of the liftoff in 2026 2027

That is a long liftoff.

That is a long liftoff

Generally, a liftoff is 10, 9, 8,

Generally a liftoff is 10 9 8

not January, February, March.

not January February March

Well, you know what?

Well you know what

If this ever competent administration

can't turn this woke-laden economy around,

can't turn this woke-laden economy around

they still have options.

they still have options

Well, maybe the children will have two dolls

Well maybe the children will have two dolls

instead of 30 dolls, you know?

instead of 30 dolls you know

And maybe the two dolls will cost a couple of bucks

more than they would normally.

more than they would normally

See, that's what the competence has gotten us.

See that's what the competence has gotten us

That's what the meritocracy has done for us.

That's what the meritocracy has done for us

The economy is going to boom in a month, in a year,

The economy is going to boom in a month in a year

in two years.

in two years

You know what?

You know what

How many [BLEEP] dollars do you people need?

How many BLEEP dollars do you people need

Just get two and cut them into pieces.

Just get two and cut them into pieces

Now, you got 16.

Now you got 16

Older kids get the tops.

Older kids get the tops

Younger ones get the bottoms.

Younger ones get the bottoms

Punch gets whatever's left over.

Punch gets whatever's left over

This--

This-

[APPLAUSE]

APPLAUSE

This meritocracy talk was a sham from the get go.

This meritocracy talk was a sham from the get go

Remember, once uber-capable Elon Musk DOGEd

Remember once uber-capable Elon Musk DOGEd

out the unworthy, woke deep state minorities,

out the unworthy woke deep state minorities

we were supposed to have been cooking with whatever

is available to use as fuel.

is available to use as fuel

DOGE firing thousands of IRS workers, creating chaos.

DOGE firing thousands of IRS workers creating chaos

REPORTER: Hundreds of layoffs at the Centers

for Disease Control, the FAA, and FEMA.

for Disease Control the FAA and FEMA

REPORTER: 3,500 jobs from the FDA.

REPORTER: 3500 jobs from the FDA

REPORTER: Hundreds of senior staff at the Department

of Homeland Security.

of Homeland Security

REPORTER: Making cuts to the National Weather Service,

REPORTER: Making cuts to the National Weather Service

as severe weather moves into the South.

as severe weather moves into the South

REPORTER: Laid off nearly all federal workers

who investigate firefighter deaths.

who investigate firefighter deaths

REPORTER: Accidentally fired some veterinarians and

animal health technicians working to prevent

the spread of bird flu.

the spread of bird flu

You fired the people trying to prevent bird flu?

You fired the people trying to prevent bird flu

Who's going to teach birds how to sneeze into their elbow?

Who's going to teach birds how to sneeze into their elbow

All right, maybe DOGE sending in teenage uber mensches

All right maybe DOGE sending in teenage uber mensches

to gut entire departments on ideological grounds

might have led to some problems.

might have led to some problems

But hey, at least they reduced the federal deficit.

But hey at least they reduced the federal deficit

I think it was more important to reduce

the federal deficit from $2 trillion to close to zero.

the federal deficit from 2 trillion to close to zero

No, we didn't.

No we didn't

Well, the real treasure was the friends

Well the real treasure was the friends

you made along the way.

you made along the way

Oh wait, you made no friends.

Oh wait you made no friends

Up and down this administration,

Up and down this administration

we were promised meritocracy.

we were promised meritocracy

We got ideologues and talk show hosts,

We got ideologues and talk show hosts

who, as we reignite a new war with Iran

who as we reignite a new war with Iran

to re-open the Strait that they closed

because of our original war, throw out shit like this.

because of our original war throw out shit like this

Today, I'm authorizing a new screening program

Today I'm authorizing a new screening program

for testosterone deficiency for our service members,

for testosterone deficiency for our service members

ensuring you have the right testosterone levels to operate

at your absolute best.

at your absolute best

That's your idea?

That's your idea

Hey, you can't spell meritocracy without more

Hey you can't spell meritocracy without more

T. Yeah, that's right.

T Yeah that's right

Watch out, Iran.

Watch out Iran

We just declared war on deez nuts.

We just declared war on deez nuts

Or how about Health and Human Services?

Or how about Health and Human Services

How's old Robert F Kennedy, Jr. doing with that?

How's old Robert F Kennedy Jr doing with that

REPORTER: A growing measles outbreak.

REPORTER: A growing measles outbreak

REPORTER: Deadly outbreak of hantavirus.

REPORTER: Deadly outbreak of hantavirus

REPORTER: The flesh-eating screw worm

is spreading beyond Texas.

is spreading beyond Texas

So help me God, if Jimothy gets screwworm,

So help me God if Jimothy gets screwworm

I will [BLEEP] go crazy.

I will BLEEP go crazy

But it's OK, folks.

But it's OK folks

There's no need to be concerned that public health

will suffer from unqualified, incomprehensible leadership.

will suffer from unqualified incomprehensible leadership

They've already dealt with the real problem.

They've already dealt with the real problem

Now, excuse for a moment that what he just said is factually

Now excuse for a moment that what he just said is factually

[BLEEP] wrong, that the broad nature of what they consider

BLEEP wrong that the broad nature of what they consider

DEI would exclude treatments for sickle cell anemia, autism,

DEI would exclude treatments for sickle cell anemia autism

pregnancy complication, women's cardiovascular health,

pregnancy complication women's cardiovascular health

and many other great advances made by the people

you all consider suspect.

you all consider suspect

But for you, Robert Kennedy, Jr., of all people,

But for you Robert Kennedy Jr of all people

to have the balls to hop on board

the anti-DEI only meritocracy train, mother [BLEEP],

the anti-DEI only meritocracy train mother BLEEP

if your name wasn't Kennedy, here's how all

if your name wasn't Kennedy here's how all

your job interviews would go.

your job interviews would go

It says here you are a heroin addict, who eats roadkill.

It says here you are a heroin addict who eats roadkill

Do you have any references?

Do you have any references

Welcome aboard.

Welcome aboard

You know, it's insane.

You know it's insane

This whole thing is insane.

This whole thing is insane

It's one thing to fall short in his duty to country.

It's one thing to fall short in his duty to country

But Trump's meritocracy is even struggling

with the one thing Trump was supposed

to be good at, petty revenge, like the cases he tried

to be good at petty revenge like the cases he tried

to bring against James Comey and

New York Attorney General Letitia James.

New York Attorney General Letitia James

Tonight, a federal judge throwing out

Tonight a federal judge throwing out

both criminal cases against two of President Trump's biggest

political foes.

political foes

REPORTER: Judge Cameron Curry finding

the Prosecutor Lindsey Halligan was not

an attorney authorized by law to conduct

grand jury proceedings.

grand jury proceedings

Well, you can't spell meritocracy-- well, I think,

Well you can't spell meritocracy- well I think

actually, they can't spell it.

actually they can't spell it

But forget lawfare.

But forget lawfare

Trump's meritocracy couldn't even do state fair.

Trump's meritocracy couldn't even do state fair

More hiccups for the Great American State Fair

at the National Mall.

at the National Mall

REPORTER: Struggling to draw a crowd.

REPORTER: Struggling to draw a crowd

REPORTER: 10 states or territories did not show up.

REPORTER: 10 states or territories did not show up

REPORTER: Pillars that hover above ground.

REPORTER: Pillars that hover above ground

Vinyl-wrapped buildings have crinkled on occasion.

Vinyl-wrapped buildings have crinkled on occasion

REPORTER: The power went out in the food hall at one point

and also on the Ferris wheel.

and also on the Ferris wheel

REPORTER: Part of the stage fell

while dancers were rehearsing.

while dancers were rehearsing

They can't bring their own water.

They can't bring their own water

REPORTER: First responders treating people

for heat-related illnesses, others huddling

for heat-related illnesses others huddling

under a replica of President Trump's Triumphal Arch

for shade.

for shade

Is there a better image that represents

the rise of Trump's meritocracy than the MAGA faithful huddling

under a plywood replica of a memorial Trump is going

to erect to himself, using money

to erect to himself using money

that should have gone to the weather services, that would

that should have gone to the weather services that would

have warned these people about the heat wave

they were seeking refuge from?

they were seeking refuge from

Oh lordy.

Oh lordy

Oh lord.

Oh lord

Oh, great Donald Trump, bring me your heat stroked,

Oh great Donald Trump bring me your heat stroked

your bored, your huddled masses, yearning to rehydrate,

your bored your huddled masses yearning to rehydrate

for this is Trump's America.

for this is Trump's America

We were told over and over again

that the problem in this country

is that government only exists to the benefit

of the entitled DEI mooching class.

of the entitled DEI mooching class

But the reality seems to be that their version

of meritocracy only rewards legacy, fealty, and

of meritocracy only rewards legacy fealty and

access, leaving the rest of us with the real DEI,

access leaving the rest of us with the real DEI

diarrhea everywhere indefinitely.

diarrhea everywhere indefinitely

This weekend was the big World Cup Final.

This weekend was the big World Cup Final

And I'd like to congratulate Spain,

And I'd like to congratulate Spain

or España, as we called it during my semester overseas.

or España as we called it during my semester overseas

It marks the end of a wonderful month

of soccer co-hosted by the United States, Canada,

of soccer co-hosted by the United States Canada

and Mexico.

and Mexico

And in a beautiful moment of unity,

And in a beautiful moment of unity

Trump watched the game alongside the leader of Canada,

Trump watched the game alongside the leader of Canada

ushering in a new era of friendship that

will last and last and last.

will last and last and last

REPORTER: Breaking news-- the Trump administration

REPORTER: Breaking news- the Trump administration

says it is slapping an additional 50% tariff

says it is slapping an additional 50 tariff

on certain Canadian goods.

on certain Canadian goods

Oh, mother [BLEEP].

Oh mother BLEEP

Fighting again with Canada?

Fighting again with Canada

I thought we were going to work this "owt."

I thought we were going to work this owt

Now, what are we taxing ourselves to punish Canada for?

Now what are we taxing ourselves to punish Canada for

REPORTER: Everything from Canadian wood

and paper and furniture to things like hockey

sticks and dairy products.

sticks and dairy products

No hockey sticks?

No hockey sticks

What's my husband going to keep jammed

in the corner of the garage for the past 15 years?

in the corner of the garage for the past 15 years

Now, obviously it's very frustrating to be

Now obviously it's very frustrating to be

back in this trade war again.

back in this trade war again

But if you're worried that this is another case of Trump

abusing his power, relax.

abusing his power relax

These tariffs are legal under the Smoot-Hawley Act,

These tariffs are legal under the Smoot-Hawley Act

which has been around since 1930s,

which has been around since 1930s

when it helped prolong and worsen the Great Depression,

when it helped prolong and worsen the Great Depression

so cheer up.

so cheer up

[CHIME]

CHIME

But where?

But where

Where is this sudden anger with Canada coming from?

Where is this sudden anger with Canada coming from

What's this all "a-boot?"

What's this all a-boot

President Trump is blasting Canada for, quote,

President Trump is blasting Canada for quote

"willful negligence" in its forest management,

willful negligence in its forest management

calling the pollution an unhealthy invasion.

calling the pollution an unhealthy invasion

Trump went on to threaten Canada with more tariffs

due to the wildfire smoke.

due to the wildfire smoke

You got to stop these fires from coming in and, you know,

You got to stop these fires from coming in and you know

poisoning our air.

poisoning our air

Are you sure you want America to set a precedent

for paying for pollution?

for paying for pollution

I feel like your pals at Pesticide

Microplastic Death Diarrhea Lettuce Inc

might have other ideas.

might have other ideas

I will say the one interesting thing about the wildfires

was seeing Trump almost come to a realization.

was seeing Trump almost come to a realization

We got to stop the fires up there.

We got to stop the fires up there

I've never remembered this happening.

I've never remembered this happening

Over the last four or five years,

Over the last four or five years

you saw it starting to take place.

you saw it starting to take place

Go on.

Go on

You're getting warmer, warmer, catastrophically warmer.

You're getting warmer warmer catastrophically warmer

I love how he's discovering climate change while standing

next to his idling jet.

next to his idling jet

Something is causing this, and we have got

Something is causing this and we have got

to get to the bottom of it.

to get to the bottom of it

Keep the engine running, guys, all of them.

Keep the engine running guys all of them

I haven't decided which plane I'm taking.

I haven't decided which plane I'm taking

But let's move on from Trump's war on Canada to his war

on personally losing elections.

on personally losing elections

Look, I know a lot of liberals out

Look I know a lot of liberals out

there think election fraud isn't a problem,

there think election fraud isn't a problem

but I assure you, it's just as much

but I assure you it's just as much

a threat to the United States as Canada.

a threat to the United States as Canada

And that's why last week, Trump gave a prime time address

And that's why last week Trump gave a prime time address

from the White House to offer his solution

to fix our elections.

to fix our elections

Congress must pass the Save America Act.

Congress must pass the Save America Act

This landmark bill requires that all voters

must show photo voter ID.

must show photo voter ID

How simple is that?

How simple is that

Could I have your photo, please?

Could I have your photo please

Photo voter ID.

Photo voter ID

Even he sounds exhausted by his own election bullshit.

Even he sounds exhausted by his own election bullshit

Hey, hey, once you turn 80, it is harder

Hey hey once you turn 80 it is harder

to maintain an insurrection.

to maintain an insurrection

Happens to a lot of guys.

Happens to a lot of guys

Now, if you didn't watch this speech,

Now if you didn't watch this speech

Trump unveiled a devastating set

of documents that conclusively prove

the 2020 election was stolen in a deep state conspiracy.

the 2020 election was stolen in a deep state conspiracy

I'm just [BLEEP] with you.

I'm just BLEEP with you

He released a bunch of documents that were old news

and didn't prove jack shit.

and didn't prove jack shit

And at one point, he even started to glitch.

And at one point he even started to glitch

In light of the brand new and irrefutable information I have

revealed tonight, my administration

revealed tonight my administration

is in the "pross" of notifying the states.

is in the pross of notifying the states

That's what I'm always saying.

That's what I'm always saying

You got to trust the "pross-off."

You got to trust the pross-off

Trust it.

Trust it

Now, normally, after Trump gives

Now normally after Trump gives

a speech, all his fans at Fox News amplify his message

a speech all his fans at Fox News amplify his message

and repeat his lies verbatim.

and repeat his lies verbatim

There's just one problem.

There's just one problem

Trump's talking about election fraud.

Trump's talking about election fraud

Remember how this went the last time?

Remember how this went the last time

REPORTER: Fox agreeing to pay Dominion more than $787 million

REPORTER: Fox agreeing to pay Dominion more than 787 million

over the network's unsupported claims

that the 2020 presidential election was rigged.

that the 2020 presidential election was rigged

Fox does not want to pay another $787 million.

Fox does not want to pay another 787 million

They need that money for settling

sexual harassment lawsuits.

sexual harassment lawsuits

Sean Hannity, you're live after Trump's speech.

Sean Hannity you're live after Trump's speech

Let's see you try to cover this story without tripping

over $787 million.

over 787 million

President Donald J Trump from the East Room

at the White House, he had a lot to say tonight.

at the White House he had a lot to say tonight

Now, the president, if you go to whitehouse.gov,

Now the president if you go to whitehousegov

has and will--

has and will-

is now releasing what he believes

is all the corroboration that you would ever

need, what is pretty remarkable,

need what is pretty remarkable

what he says are in these documents.

what he says are in these documents

I'm sure that anybody, uh, that cares about truth

I'm sure that anybody uh that cares about truth

will want to do a deep dive into all of this.

will want to do a deep dive into all of this

Um, uh, well, what he said was--

Um uh well what he said was-

so it was a little-- you know what?

so it was a little- you know what

Let's move on to a bigger story.

Let's move on to a bigger story

Why does Mamdani want to convert

Jimothy the raccoon to Islam?

Jimothy the raccoon to Islam

So now, MAGA Republicans are in a tough spot.

So now MAGA Republicans are in a tough spot

If Trump's speech didn't move the needle,

If Trump's speech didn't move the needle

they need to find another way to rally support for it.

they need to find another way to rally support for it

They need to come with irrefutable evidence

that is necessary.

that is necessary

They need to take this seriously.

They need to take this seriously

24 states already require photo ID to be

presented prior to voting.

presented prior to voting

Heck, you even need to present a photo ID

Heck you even need to present a photo ID

to utilize the Olive Garden's never-ending pasta pass.

to utilize the Olive Garden's never-ending pasta pass

OK, or we could compare our election

OK or we could compare our election

system to Olive Garden.

system to Olive Garden

Sure, let's try that.

Sure let's try that

And by the way, for those of you who don't know,

And by the way for those of you who don't know

the Olive Garden never-ending pasta pass is a real thing.

the Olive Garden never-ending pasta pass is a real thing

And of course, you have to show a photo ID to use it.

And of course you have to show a photo ID to use it

In fact, my first fake ID was actually

In fact my first fake ID was actually

a never-ending pasta pass.

a never-ending pasta pass

I'll never forget freshman year when I got marinara poisoning,

I'll never forget freshman year when I got marinara poisoning

had to get my stomach pumped.

had to get my stomach pumped

And before you ask, yes, I checked

And before you ask yes I checked

the box to be a pasta donor.

the box to be a pasta donor

That way, God forbid, if something happens to me,

That way God forbid if something happens to me

a guy who needs a new kidney gets my pasta.

a guy who needs a new kidney gets my pasta

But yeah, Virginia Foxx is saying

But yeah Virginia Foxx is saying

Olive Garden has tighter security than the voting booth.

Olive Garden has tighter security than the voting booth

And that's such a ridiculous analogy that everyone

on the right is using it.

on the right is using it

So you need an ID to get all you

can eat pasta at Olive Garden.

can eat pasta at Olive Garden

You want to go vote?

You want to go vote

Eh.

For God's sake, you can't go get pasta at Olive Garden

For God's sake you can't go get pasta at Olive Garden

without a picture ID.

without a picture ID

So you need one for Olive Garden

but not for a stake in our Republic, right?

but not for a stake in our Republic right

You have to show up with a photo ID

to prove it's actually you to eat their pasta.

to prove it's actually you to eat their pasta

My goodness.

My goodness

The fact that eating pasta requires

an actual ID before voting in this country

is pretty ridiculous.

is pretty ridiculous

Shout out to Olive Garden.

Shout out to Olive Garden

Shout out to Olive Garden?

Shout out to Olive Garden

You're not even talking about election fraud anymore.

You're not even talking about election fraud anymore

You're just ordering lunch.

You're just ordering lunch

Here's the thing.

Here's the thing

Olive Garden and elections are completely different things.

Olive Garden and elections are completely different things

Voting is a sacred right that can't

be restricted just because Donald Trump wants photo ID.

be restricted just because Donald Trump wants photo ID

But Olive Garden needs a photo ID for their Pasta Pass

because their mail-in pasta was a total mess.

because their mail-in pasta was a total mess

Not falling for that again.

Not falling for that again

But beyond that, your analogy is taking over your argument.

But beyond that your analogy is taking over your argument

You want people to be thinking about election fraud, not

You want people to be thinking about election fraud not

the restaurant where your parents tell you that they're

getting a divorce.

getting a divorce

When you're here, you're family.

When you're here you're family

But when we get home, you have to choose.

But when we get home you have to choose

Please, please just stop making this about Olive Garden.

Please please just stop making this about Olive Garden

Maybe we just need to change the name of the bill

to the Olive Garden law.

to the Olive Garden law

You know what? [BLEEP] it.

You know what BLEEP it

Fine.

Fine

Let's pass the Olive Garden law,

Let's pass the Olive Garden law

followed by the Red Lobster war on Greenland Act and

the Chili's Baby Back Abortion Ban.

the Chili's Baby Back Abortion Ban

So that-- that is the current state of Trump's war

So that- that is the current state of Trump's war

on voting rights.

on voting rights

In the span of a week, he went from an urgent prime-time

In the span of a week he went from an urgent prime-time

address to watching his base obsess

over a Tuscan-themed casual dining chain.

over a Tuscan-themed casual dining chain

It didn't work out for him this time.

It didn't work out for him this time

But the next one might because at the end of the day,

But the next one might because at the end of the day

his lies are like spaghetti.

his lies are like spaghetti

Throw it at the wall and hope it sticks.

Throw it at the wall and hope it sticks

And I think I speak--

And I think I speak-

[APPLAUSE]

APPLAUSE

And I think I speak for all of us

when I say shout-out to Olive Garden.

when I say shout-out to Olive Garden

You might remember back in March

when President Trump quickly launched his quick war in Iran,

when President Trump quickly launched his quick war in Iran

and conservative media told you how quick

it was quickly going to go.

it was quickly going to go

We've already knocked out so much of their capability.

We've already knocked out so much of their capability

It looks like this is just a wrap-up mission at this point.

It looks like this is just a wrap-up mission at this point

I don't see how this thing can continue much longer.

I don't see how this thing can continue much longer

The war may be over right now.

The war may be over right now

I just left the president.

I just left the president

Today was a great interview.

Today was a great interview

I said to him, Mr. President, you keep talking about

I said to him Mr President you keep talking about

the war like "was, was, was."

the war like was was was

I said, is it over?

I said is it over

He said, it's over.

He said it's over

She was so happy there dressed like a pimp

on Martha's Vineyard.

on Martha's Vineyard

Kind of like if Katharine Hepburn was in a music

video for Three 6 Mafia.

video for Three 6 Mafia

Anyway, that was five months ago.

Anyway that was five months ago

So by now, the end must surely be in sight.

So by now the end must surely be in sight

Tonight, no end in sight in the war against Iran.

Tonight no end in sight in the war against Iran

Do you know something that I don't know?

Do you know something that I don't know

You don't know anything.

You don't know anything

You know something that I don't know?

You know something that I don't know

Do you know something I don't know?

Do you know something I don't know

My god, this guy's cranky.

My god this guy's cranky

Get him to a cabinet meeting so he can take a nap.

Get him to a cabinet meeting so he can take a nap

But yes, it's a little awkward for Trump's media boosters

But yes it's a little awkward for Trump's media boosters

that the war is still going on.

that the war is still going on

And it's especially awkward for Greg Kelly,

And it's especially awkward for Greg Kelly

Newsmax anchor and guy who's definitely been kicked

out of an airport Chili's.

out of an airport Chili's

He's gone all in for Trump.

He's gone all in for Trump

And he really put his reputation on the line.

And he really put his reputation on the line

I guess this is not a bold prediction on my part,

I guess this is not a bold prediction on my part

because the president just said it.

because the president just said it

But I predict also this time next week, we may

But I predict also this time next week we may

be able to declare victory.

be able to declare victory

I tell you what.

I tell you what

I'll tell you what, though.

I'll tell you what though

It's still better than his other prediction--

It's still better than his other prediction-

diarrhea-free summer.

diarrhea-free summer

That did not go well.

That did not go well

But yeah, one weekend Greg predicted that the war

But yeah one weekend Greg predicted that the war

would be over soon.

would be over soon

And did he flinch a week later when the war was still going?

And did he flinch a week later when the war was still going

No, he did not.

No he did not

The war in Iran, which is only 17 days old,

The war in Iran which is only 17 days old

and from what I'm hearing, this thing is going to be over

and from what I'm hearing this thing is going to be over

probably before the 28th day.

probably before the 28th day

This is contained.

This is contained

There you go.

There you go

17 days and over before day 28.

17 days and over before day 28

Is it over or is it just beginning?

Is it over or is it just beginning

Maybe a little bit of both.

Maybe a little bit of both

We are right now at 30 days.

We are right now at 30 days

Gotcha.

Gotcha

Gotcha.

Gotcha

We are now at 30 days, and the war is

We are now at 30 days and the war is

over and also just beginning.

over and also just beginning

And before you say, wait, those are opposites,

And before you say wait those are opposites

may I remind you that every new beginning

comes from some other beginning's end?

comes from some other beginning's end

Closing time.

Closing time

But the point is, chill out, guys.

But the point is chill out guys

Don't make Greg get sarcastic.

Don't make Greg get sarcastic

GREG KELLY: Wow, this Iran war has been

GREG KELLY: Wow this Iran war has been

going on for years, months?

going on for years months

No, 52 days.

No 52 days

52 days.

52 days

Relax.

Relax

And quite frankly, we're not even shooting anymore.

And quite frankly we're not even shooting anymore

73 days.

73 days

And the coverage is relentlessly negative.

And the coverage is relentlessly negative

Well, by one count, you could say 81 days.

Well by one count you could say 81 days

However, a more accurate count would say 41 days when

However a more accurate count would say 41 days when

you factor in the ceasefire.

you factor in the ceasefire

81 days, that's nothing, especially

81 days that's nothing especially

if you call it 41 days.

if you call it 41 days

I mean, do you want him to keep going, people?

I mean do you want him to keep going people

Because he'll keep going.

Because he'll keep going

GREG KELLY: If you add it all up, four months.

GREG KELLY: If you add it all up four months

Oh sure.

Oh sure

If you add up the days, it seems like a lot of days.

If you add up the days it seems like a lot of days

What?

What

You don't want to add on the 21 days since the first four

months too?

months too

GREG KELLY: Four months and 21 days.

GREG KELLY: Four months and 21 days

How is that for a forever war?

How is that for a forever war

Well, it's a start.

Well it's a start

So basically, Donald Trump is locked in a forever war,

So basically Donald Trump is locked in a forever war

has no plan to get out, and has hardly

has no plan to get out and has hardly

any defenders besides Kirkland Signature Sean Hannity.

any defenders besides Kirkland Signature Sean Hannity

Is there anything that's going right for him,

Is there anything that's going right for him

and I mean anything?

and I mean anything

Oh, excuse me.

Oh excuse me

Hey.

Hey

Woo!

Woo

Number one on Tic Tac!

Number one on Tic Tac

Not to mention also very popular on "Facebark"

Not to mention also very popular on Facebark

and "Instagork."

and Instagork

Let's see the master at work.

Let's see the master at work

What?

What

Stop communism?

Stop communism

Where did that come from?

Where did that come from

That TikTok was directed by M. Night Shyamalan.

That TikTok was directed by M Night Shyamalan

Look, I know it doesn't seem like that would

Look I know it doesn't seem like that would

be very popular on TikTok, but don't forget,

be very popular on TikTok but don't forget

they love messy bitches.

they love messy bitches

And it's not just Trump.

And it's not just Trump

His whole cabinet is getting on TikTok.

His whole cabinet is getting on TikTok

They just dropped a new video promoting it.

They just dropped a new video promoting it

[INTENSE MUSIC]

INTENSE MUSIC

WOMAN: In the end, this team is stronger, smarter,

WOMAN: In the end this team is stronger smarter

and savvier in the game of leverage and negotiations.

and savvier in the game of leverage and negotiations

And it's always about America first for Trump.

And it's always about America first for Trump

Is this a TikTok or a hype video for a 50-year

high school reunion?

high school reunion

Oh shit.

Oh shit

Doug's coming?

Doug's coming

I thought that guy was dead.

I thought that guy was dead

But I don't want to prejudge.

But I don't want to prejudge

Let's check out some of these TikToks.

Let's check out some of these TikToks

RFK, Jr., you never do anything weird.

RFK Jr you never do anything weird

Let's see what you got.

Let's see what you got

[UNSETTLING MUSIC]

UNSETTLING MUSIC

What the [BLEEP]?

What the BLEEP

Jesus.

Jesus

Looks like a terminator who went

back in time to stop Sarah Connor from getting vaccinated.

back in time to stop Sarah Connor from getting vaccinated

Why does he have those laser eyes?

Why does he have those laser eyes

Is that how he hunts roadkill?

Is that how he hunts roadkill

Oh, my god, somebody hide Jimothy.

Oh my god somebody hide Jimothy

I'm glad you guys are having so much fun making TikToks.

I'm glad you guys are having so much fun making TikToks

But remind me, how's your actual job going?

But remind me how's your actual job going

US measles cases just hit a 35-year record high.

US measles cases just hit a 35-year record high

And more people are being sickened

by that parasitic infection that triggered

a major lettuce recall.

a major lettuce recall

REPORTER: The CDC has now confirmed more than 4,100 cases

REPORTER: The CDC has now confirmed more than 4100 cases

of cyclosporiasis, making 2026 the worst

of cyclosporiasis making 2026 the worst

year for the parasitic infection on record.

year for the parasitic infection on record

Cool cool.

Cool cool

You've got laser eyes, and the rest of us

You've got laser eyes and the rest of us

have measles and poop lettuce.

have measles and poop lettuce

Thanks for giving us content to watch while we're

sitting on the toilet, shitting our guts out from a parasite

sitting on the toilet shitting our guts out from a parasite

that you're not doing anything to stop.

that you're not doing anything to stop

Listen, we are going through real problems,

Listen we are going through real problems

and you guys are making TikToks.

and you guys are making TikToks

You are so cavalier about all of this.

You are so cavalier about all of this

All you care about is your image and your power.

All you care about is your image and your power

But guess what?

But guess what

These are American issues.

These are American issues

And it's only a matter of time before these American issues

affect you too.

affect you too

Actually, can you play that video again

Actually can you play that video again

and just turn up the audio?

and just turn up the audio

[PASSING GAS, GURGLING]

PASSING GAS GURGLING

And that is the trenchant satire

you've come to expect from 30 years of "The Daily Show."

you've come to expect from 30 years of The Daily Show

President Trump was down in Georgia

yesterday where he campaigned for Republican Mike Collins.

yesterday where he campaigned for Republican Mike Collins

And the GOP desperately needs Trump

to give Collins a boost if they have any chance

of keeping the Senate.

of keeping the Senate

So, of course, Trump talked about himself.

So of course Trump talked about himself

When I inherited this thing on January 20,

When I inherited this thing on January 20

I walk into office.

I walk into office

I have a press conference first or second day.

I have a press conference first or second day

And they're screaming at me.

And they're screaming at me

What are you going to do about high prices?

What are you going to do about high prices

Right?

Right

What are you going to do?

What are you going to do

I said, I just got here.

I said I just got here

What are we talking about?

What are we talking about

Tell me.

Tell me

Eggs.

Eggs

Eggs have gone up four times.

Eggs have gone up four times

Four times.

Four times

I said, I just got here.

I said I just got here

Give me a break.

Give me a break

Give me a break.

Give me a break

I didn't expect to jump into work right away.

I didn't expect to jump into work right away

I just ran to stay out of prison.

I just ran to stay out of prison

What do you mean you just got here?

What do you mean you just got here

You already had the job for four years.

You already had the job for four years

You probably still had old pens in the desk.

You probably still had old pens in the desk

Guy's acting like he was expecting an onboarding.

Guy's acting like he was expecting an onboarding

This is Joe B. You're going to spend the day shadowing him.

This is Joe B You're going to spend the day shadowing him

Look, I do get it.

Look I do get it

He just wanted to spend his first day

settling in, putting his stuff down, pardoning January Sixers.

settling in putting his stuff down pardoning January Sixers

But the Democrats were just throwing

all these new words at him.

all these new words at him

And they said-- they used the word-- first time I heard it.

And they said- they used the word- first time I heard it

It was a word, you know, made up by the Democrats--

It was a word you know made up by the Democrats-

"affordability."

affordability

They said "affordability."

They said affordability

Affordability!

Affordability

Why is the word you're best at saying

the one you're worst at doing?

the one you're worst at doing

And by the way, Democrats didn't invent

And by the way Democrats didn't invent

the word "affordability."

the word affordability

Costco did.

Costco did

Costco, if you're going to buy a container of mustard,

Costco if you're going to buy a container of mustard

shouldn't you be able to bathe in it?

shouldn't you be able to bathe in it

By the way, after 10 years of Trump rallies,

By the way after 10 years of Trump rallies

you can kind of tell that he's not

moving crowds like he used to.

moving crowds like he used to

The people there were yawning.

The people there were yawning

They were bored, not even looking at him.

They were bored not even looking at him

This one kid was just on his phone half the time.

This one kid was just on his phone half the time

Hey, kid, stop playing Roblox.

Hey kid stop playing Roblox

The president is talking about affordability.

The president is talking about affordability

Come on, Donald, you got to win this crowd back.

Come on Donald you got to win this crowd back

You were so great at nicknames.

You were so great at nicknames

Why don't you just announce a new cool policy

with a snappy nickname like old times?

with a snappy nickname like old times

We will pass the great health care plan.

We will pass the great health care plan

It's called Our Great Health Care Plan.

It's called Our Great Health Care Plan

That's the name of it.

That's the name of it

Wow.

Wow

Thanks for putting in all that thought.

Thanks for putting in all that thought

Such a lazy name.

Such a lazy name

That's like making a daily show and

calling it "The Daily Show."

calling it The Daily Show

But look, the president wasn't just there

But look the president wasn't just there

to lie about health care.

to lie about health care

He was there to warn us about a terrible danger.

He was there to warn us about a terrible danger

The radical left is actively trying

to destroy our children's future with the disaster

known as communism.

known as communism

Oh no!

Oh no

Quick!

Quick

Hide the means of production!

Hide the means of production

Don't tell me it's communism!

Don't tell me it's communism

Communism is the single greatest threat to our country

and its history, including even World War I and World War III,

and its history including even World War I and World War III

Pearl Harbor, 9/11.

Pearl Harbor 9/11

I think it's the greatest threat that I've

ever seen to our country.

ever seen to our country

That's right.

That's right

That's right.

That's right

Communism is the greatest threat to our country,

Communism is the greatest threat to our country

even more than the looming threat of World War I.

even more than the looming threat of World War I

That is what the president believes,

That is what the president believes

although I think someone else might disagree with him.

although I think someone else might disagree with him

The threat that we have, the biggest threat is nuclear war.

The threat that we have the biggest threat is nuclear war

I think that the border is the biggest threat to this country.

I think that the border is the biggest threat to this country

Our biggest threat remains the sick, sinister, and evil people

Our biggest threat remains the sick sinister and evil people

from within our country.

from within our country

The weaponization of law enforcement

is the greatest threat.

is the greatest threat

Our biggest threat to democracy is stupid people.

Our biggest threat to democracy is stupid people

[CHEERING APPLAUSE]

CHEERING APPLAUSE

Might actually be right with that last one.

Might actually be right with that last one

But let's move on from Donald Trump to his son, Don,

But let's move on from Donald Trump to his son Don

Jr., a New York five but a solid Trump eight.

Jr a New York five but a solid Trump eight

Because while the rest of us are suffering,

Because while the rest of us are suffering

he wants us to know he's doing great.

he wants us to know he's doing great

A CNN investigation has found that an investment firm where

Donald Trump, Jr., is a partner has

Donald Trump Jr is a partner has

skyrocketed during his father's presidency.

skyrocketed during his father's presidency

Trump, Jr., announced he joined that firm,

Trump Jr announced he joined that firm

1789 Capital, days after his father's re-election in 2024.

1789 Capital days after his father's re-election in 2024

Since that time, assets the firm manages

Since that time assets the firm manages

have more than tripled.

have more than tripled

What?

What

So lucky!

So lucky

How did he manage to triple his firm's assets in the two years

his dad's been in office?

his dad's been in office

He must be so good at business, and only that.

He must be so good at business and only that

REPORTER: Businesses the firm invested in

have been awarded more than $1.6 billion

have been awarded more than 16 billion

from federal contracts and grants.

from federal contracts and grants

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable

What a flagrant abuse of power and access.

What a flagrant abuse of power and access

This just screams corruption and greed.

This just screams corruption and greed

His dad must be so proud.

His dad must be so proud

This looks so bad.

This looks so bad

And Don, Jr., isn't rushing to set the record straight.

And Don Jr isn't rushing to set the record straight

But there is something else he'd like to clear up.

But there is something else he'd like to clear up

But the rumor that you do cocaine

is the coolest thing about you.

is the coolest thing about you

You want to keep that going, or we're

You want to keep that going or we're

going to have to start talking about what

you look like without a beard.

you look like without a beard

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