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Welcome, [cheering]
Welcome
cheering
welcome friends and neighbors,
welcome
friends
and
neighbors
citizens of all sizes to the late show.
citizens
of
all
sizes
to
the
late
show
I'm your host Steven Colbert. Folks,
I'm
your
host
Steven
Colbert
Folks
[cheering]
cheering
ladies and gentlemen, are the Epstein
ladies
and
gentlemen
are
the
Epstein
files out yet?
files
out
yet
No. Okay.
No
Okay
How about now? Are they out? [cheering]
How
about
now
Are
they
out
cheering
All right. Just checking. You'll let me
All
right
Just
checking
You'll
let
me
know.
know
Stop me in midsentence if anything happens
Stop
me
in
midsentence
if
anything
happens
over there cuz [laughter] I look a
over
there
cuz
laughter
I
look
a
little excited
little
excited
’Cause yesterday after months of Trump
’Cause
yesterday
after
months
of
Trump
fighting tooth and cankle to hold back
fighting
tooth
and
cankle
to
hold
back
the Republican party from doing the
the
Republican
party
from
doing
the
right thing, he just went ahead and gave
right
thing
he
just
went
ahead
and
gave
up and signed the bill to release the
up
and
signed
the
bill
to
release
the
Epstein files.
Epstein
files
[cheering]
cheering
>> Yeah.
>>
Yeah
[applause]
applause
One day you're gonna have a very
One
day
you're
gonna
have
a
very
complicated conversation with your
complicated
conversation
with
your
grandchildren about why you just
grandchildren
about
why
you
just
cheered.
cheered
[laughter]
laughter
This is such a difficult moment for
This
is
such
a
difficult
moment
for
Trump. We We don't know if he actually
Trump
We
We
don't
know
if
he
actually
signed the bill himself. He might have
signed
the
bill
himself
He
might
have
just used his mechanical signature
just
used
his
mechanical
signature
machine, the uh the auto-pube. Because
machine
the
uh
the
auto-pube
Because
even though Trump told Republicans to
even
though
Trump
told
Republicans
to
all vote for this, he was clearly
all
vote
for
this
he
was
clearly
furious that they did. He signed the
furious
that
they
did
He
signed
the
bill after the White House issued a
bill
after
the
White
House
issued
a
so-called photo op which shut down any
so-called
photo
op
which
shut
down
any
on camera opportunities. He signed it
on
camera
opportunities
He
signed
it
off camera and he'll sign anything on
off
camera
and
he'll
sign
anything
on
camera. Executive orders, sneakers, lady
camera
Executive
orders
sneakers
lady
parts, wall parts, a toddler.
parts
wall
parts
a
toddler
Trump is avoiding cameras. That's like
Trump
is
avoiding
cameras
That's
like
that's that's like the Pillsbury
that's
that's
like
the
Pillsbury
Doughboy avoiding nudity.
Doughboy
avoiding
nudity
That's right. This little freak loves
That's
right
This
little
freak
loves
the cool breeze [cheering]
the
cool
breeze
cheering
on his smooth part.
on
his
smooth
part
[applause]
applause
More proof that these files are making
More
proof
that
these
files
are
making
Trump soiled his ample briefs. Well, last
Trump
soiled
his
ample
briefs
Well
last
night he went online to shift blame to
night
he
went
online
to
shift
blame
to
Democrats with a full uniomberlength
Democrats
with
a
full
uniomberlength
manifesto.
manifesto
There it is. Imagine if you got that as
There
it
is
Imagine
if
you
got
that
as
a text. Well, I do not have to read all
a
text
Well
I
do
not
have
to
read
all
of that, bro.
of
that
bro
I do not have the time. I'm just going
I
do
not
have
the
time
I'm
just
going
to hit you with a haha.
to
hit
you
with
a
haha
Now, somewhere
Now
somewhere
somewhere in that Apple terms and
somewhere
in
that
Apple
terms
and
conditions length screed, Trump tried to
conditions
length
screed
Trump
tried
to
claim credit for the thing he
claim
credit
for
the
thing
he
desperately fought to stop. As everybody
desperately
fought
to
stop
As
everybody
knows, I asked Speaker of the House Mike
knows
I
asked
Speaker
of
the
House
Mike
Johnson and Senate Majority Leader John
Johnson
and
Senate
Majority
Leader
John
Thune to pass this bill because of this
Thune
to
pass
this
bill
because
of
this
request. The votes were almost unanimous
request
The
votes
were
almost
unanimous
in favor of passage, right? You know, so
in
favor
of
passage
right
You
know
so
in a way he won. It reminds me of Julius
in
a
way
he
won
It
reminds
me
of
Julius
Caesar's famous last words. Great job,
Caesar's
famous
last
words
Great
job
Brute. [laughter]
Brute
laughter
So,
So
[cheering]
cheering
So Trump signed the bill. It is now law.
So
Trump
signed
the
bill
It
is
now
law
The Epstein files must be released.
The
Epstein
files
must
be
released
Specifically, the Justice Department now
Specifically
the
Justice
Department
now
has 30 days to publish whatever
has
30
days
to
publish
whatever
information it has. Meaning the deadline
information
it
has
Meaning
the
deadline
is December 19th. So it's going to be a
is
December
19th
So
it's
going
to
be
a
very special Jake Gyllenhaal's birthday.
very
special
Jake
Gyllenhaal's
birthday
[cheering]
cheering
[applause]
applause
And I wouldn't have made that reference,
And
I
wouldn't
have
made
that
reference
Jake, if you ever invited me to your
Jake
if
you
ever
invited
me
to
your
party.
party
[cheering]
cheering
So soon we're going to see every
So
soon
we're
going
to
see
every
document in the Epstein files. And if
document
in
the
Epstein
files
And
if
you believe that, Donald Trump has an
you
believe
that
Donald
Trump
has
an
East Wing he'd like to sell you
East
Wing
he'd
like
to
sell
you
[laughter]
laughter
cuz the Justice Department is going to
cuz
the
Justice
Department
is
going
to
look through the documents first. And
look
through
the
documents
first
And
quote, "What information they may
quote
What
information
they
may
include and how redacted the documents
include
and
how
redacted
the
documents
may be remains to be seen or
may
be
remains
to
be
seen
or
or unseen.
or
unseen
By the time Trump's people are finished
By
the
time
Trump's
people
are
finished
with their El Marcos, the release could
with
their
El
Marcos
the
release
could
be a single black page with the words
be
a
single
black
page
with
the
words
Bill Clinton.
Bill
Clinton
One thing I don't need a [applause] lot
One
thing
I
don't
need
a
applause
lot
to change. One thing we know will
to
change
One
thing
we
know
will
definitely be redacted is anything that
definitely
be
redacted
is
anything
that
quote would jeopardize an active federal
quote
would
jeopardize
an
active
federal
investigation. Well, there's a kowinky
investigation
Well
there's
a
kowinky
dink cuz just last week, Trump demanded
dink
cuz
just
last
week
Trump
demanded
the Justice Department open an
the
Justice
Department
open
an
investigation into Democrats who are
investigation
into
Democrats
who
are
mentioned in Epstein's emails. Attorney
mentioned
in
Epstein's
emails
Attorney
General Pam Bondie agreed to this demand
General
Pam
Bondie
agreed
to
this
demand
less than 4 hours later, which is
less
than
4
hours
later
which
is
strange because back in July, Bondi said
strange
because
back
in
July
Bondi
said
they wouldn't be releasing any more
they
wouldn't
be
releasing
any
more
information on the Jeffrey Epstein case
information
on
the
Jeffrey
Epstein
case
and that the case is essentially now
and
that
the
case
is
essentially
now
closed. So yesterday, Bondi was asked
closed
So
yesterday
Bondi
was
asked
about that. Madam Attorney General, the
about
that
Madam
Attorney
General
the
DOJ statement, uh, earlier this year
DOJ
statement
uh
earlier
this
year
saying that, uh, the files would not
saying
that
uh
the
files
would
not
release mentioned the fact that the
release
mentioned
the
fact
that
the
review of the documents and the evidence
review
of
the
documents
and
the
evidence
did not suggest that any additional
did
not
suggest
that
any
additional
investigation of third parties was
investigation
of
third
parties
was
warranted. Uh, what changed, uh, since then
warranted
Uh
what
changed
uh
since
then
that you launched this investigation?
that
you
launched
this
investigation
information that has come for
information
that
has
come
for
information. Um, there's information that
information
Um
there's
information
that
new information, additional information
new
information
additional
information
>> smooth
>>
smooth
[applause]
applause
[cheering and applause]
cheering
and
applause
[cheering and applause]
cheering
and
applause
information [laughter]
information
laughter
information has come to information. We
information
has
come
to
information
We
have had, we, we have had, have information
have
had
we
we
have
had
have
information
new, new information was additional to
new
new
information
was
additional
to
the added information that was new to
the
added
information
that
was
new
to
have been informed at us of the
have
been
informed
at
us
of
the
information.
information
HELP ME [laughter]
HELP
ME
laughter
Cut my mic. [applause]
Cut
my
mic
applause
[cheering]
cheering
>> [applause]
>>
applause
>> You know, you know why they're all
>>
You
know
you
know
why
they're
all
rattled? Because the wolf of
rattled
Because
the
wolf
of
accountability is lapping at their door
accountability
is
lapping
at
their
door
with its hungry tongue. He's already
with
its
hungry
tongue
He's
already
gone past the House of Representatives,
gone
past
the
House
of
Representatives
past the Senate, and the DOJ is the
past
the
Senate
and
the
DOJ
is
the
third little piggy, and he's going to
third
little
piggy
and
he's
going
to
huff and puff and find out who blew
huff
and
puff
and
find
out
who
blew
Bubba down.
Bubba
down
>> You can see. [cheering]
>>
You
can
see
cheering
>> [applause]
>>
applause
>> And you can see just how rattled they
>>
And
you
can
see
just
how
rattled
they
are on camera. Check out Kash Patel's
are
on
camera
Check
out
Kash
Patel's
face.
face
while Bondi is drowning in flip sweat.
while
Bondi
is
drowning
in
flip
sweat
He's either terrified or the edible just
He's
either
terrified
or
the
edible
just
kicked in.
kicked
in
But no matter how much information,
But
no
matter
how
much
information
no matter how much information Bondi
no
matter
how
much
information
Bondi
tries to convince has got
tries
to
convince
has
got
informationated,
informationated
folks aren't going to stand for them not
folks
aren't
going
to
stand
for
them
not
forking over the goods. Trump is facing
forking
over
the
goods
Trump
is
facing
growing suspicion even from his MAGA
growing
suspicion
even
from
his
MAGA
base. ’Cause according to GOP insiders, the
base
’Cause
according
to
GOP
insiders
the
Epstein conspiracies have reached
Epstein
conspiracies
have
reached
moon landing status.
moon
landing
status
You know what this means? Stanley Kubrick
You
know
what
this
means
Stanley
Kubrick
directed the Epstein files.
directed
the
Epstein
files
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Hey, if you were
Oh
yeah
Oh
yeah
Hey
if
you
were
planning on flying over the holidays, I
planning
on
flying
over
the
holidays
I
would say maybe don't because experts
would
say
maybe
don't
because
experts
warned that flying is about to become
warned
that
flying
is
about
to
become
even more miserable.
even
more
miserable
>> More miserable, of course, what Spirit
>>
More
miserable
of
course
what
Spirit
Airlines calls first class.
Airlines
calls
first
class
>> [cheering and applause]
>>
cheering
and
applause
>> But good news, we just got some new
>>
But
good
news
we
just
got
some
new
travel advice from Secretary of
travel
advice
from
Secretary
of
Transportation Shawn Ducey, seen here
Transportation
Shawn
Ducey
seen
here
explaining how he would eat one really
explaining
how
he
would
eat
one
really
long noodle.
long
noodle
[laughter]
laughter
Ducey.
Ducey
Secretary Ducey released this video
Secretary
Ducey
released
this
video
yesterday, pining for the old days of
yesterday
pining
for
the
old
days
of
air travel.
air
travel
>> Come fly
>>
Come
fly
away.
away
Air travel is a miracle of American
Air
travel
is
a
miracle
of
American
ingenuity. We built airports to launch a
ingenuity
We
built
airports
to
launch
a
golden age of travel across the skies.
golden
age
of
travel
across
the
skies
Flying was a bastion of civility, but
Flying
was
a
bastion
of
civility
but
today.
today
[laughter]
laughter
I know that looks bad. That last shot
I
know
that
looks
bad
That
last
shot
there looks bad, but the pastor was only
there
looks
bad
but
the
pastor
was
only
using his feet because the flight
using
his
feet
because
the
flight
attendant had told him to stop using his
attendant
had
told
him
to
stop
using
his
feet.
feet
The video
The
video
joke. It's a joke. You're making jokes.
joke
It's
a
joke
You're
making
jokes
Happy Thanksgiving. It's a joke. The
Happy
Thanksgiving
It's
a
joke
The
video continued and got more extreme.
video
continued
and
got
more
extreme
>> I'm allowed to see that. [music]
>>
I'm
allowed
to
see
that
music
>> But manners don't stop at the gate.
>>
But
manners
don't
stop
at
the
gate
>> That's right. Manners don't stop at the
>>
That's
right
Manners
don't
stop
at
the
gate. Things aren't what [music] they
gate
Things
aren't
what
music
they
used to be. Some would call it the
used
to
be
Some
would
call
it
the
golden age of travel. Let's bring
golden
age
of
travel
Let's
bring
civility and manners [music] back. Okay,
civility
and
manners
music
back
Okay
how about this? We'll bring back
how
about
this
We'll
bring
back
civility and manners when the airlines
civility
and
manners
when
the
airlines
bring back fine dining with gourmet
bring
back
fine
dining
with
gourmet
chefs, champagne, and sky lobster.
chefs
champagne
and
sky
lobster
[cheering]
cheering
Now, [applause and cheering]
Now
applause
and
cheering
Nowadays, you're lucky to get a pack of
Nowadays
you're
lucky
to
get
a
pack
of
crumbled Biscoff.
crumbled
Biscoff
Thanks, but I'll eat in Tampa.
Thanks
but
I'll
eat
in
Tampa
[laughter]
laughter
Secretary Ducey, who is officially in
Secretary
Ducey
who
is
officially
in
charge of the bad travel, thinks it's
charge
of
the
bad
travel
thinks
it's
all your fault. Ask [music] yourself,
all
your
fault
Ask
music
yourself
are you helping a pregnant woman put her
are
you
helping
a
pregnant
woman
put
her
bag in the overhead bin?
bag
in
the
overhead
bin
>> That is so important.
>>
That
is
so
important
This will all be better if you just help
This
will
all
be
better
if
you
just
help
more pregnant ladies with their bags.
more
pregnant
ladies
with
their
bags
And if you can't tell who's pregnant,
And
if
you
can't
tell
who's
pregnant
just start making guesses.
just
start
making
guesses
[cheering] Hey, pregnant lady. The
cheering
Hey
pregnant
lady
The
pregnant lady. You
pregnant
lady
You
You look pregnant to me, baby.
You
look
pregnant
to
me
baby
Are you sure? Pee on this stick. What?
Are
you
sure
Pee
on
this
stick
What
TRYING TO MAKE AIR TRAVEL BETTER HERE.
TRYING
TO
MAKE
AIR
TRAVEL
BETTER
HERE
[cheering]
cheering
[laughter]
laughter
HEY,
HEY
Ducey told me. [laughter]
Ducey
told
me
laughter
Oh, even even non-Epstein things are
Oh
even
even
non-Epstein
things
are
looking bad, uh, for Trump out there.
looking
bad
uh
for
Trump
out
there
A new poll found that 76% of voters say
A
new
poll
found
that
76
of
voters
say
the White House is doing more harm than
the
White
House
is
doing
more
harm
than
good on the economy. Even worse for him.
good
on
the
economy
Even
worse
for
him
Even worse for him. That's a Fox News
Even
worse
for
him
That's
a
Fox
News
poll. [cheering]
poll
cheering
Jeez. Jeez. Usually, usually Fox News
Jeez
Jeez
Usually
usually
Fox
News
polls are like, "Is the president too
polls
are
like
Is
the
president
too
sexy?"
sexy
And the choices are, "Yum, Zaddy's home,
And
the
choices
are
Yum
Zaddy's
home
and immigrant ate my hamster."
and
immigrant
ate
my
hamster
How we doing? How we doing? Can we say
How
we
doing
How
we
doing
Can
we
say
goodbye? [applause] Say goodbye. Can I
goodbye
applause
Say
goodbye
Can
I
say goodbye? Can I go to commercial? Oh,
say
goodbye
Can
I
go
to
commercial
Oh
we got that long enough. A lot of the
we
got
that
long
enough
A
lot
of
the
economic pain,
economic
pain
A lot of the economic pain is caused by
A
lot
of
the
economic
pain
is
caused
by
Trump's tariffs, which are jacking up
Trump's
tariffs
which
are
jacking
up
prices for this Christmas. If you're
prices
for
this
Christmas
If
you're
decorating the yard, you can forget one
decorating
the
yard
you
can
forget
one
of those big inflatable Santas.
of
those
big
inflatable
Santas
Shoppers are reporting that five years
Shoppers
are
reporting
that
five
years
ago, I would say an inflatable
ago
I
would
say
an
inflatable
decoration cost like $40. Now they're
decoration
cost
like
40
Now
they're
one, two, $300.
one
two
300
And that's too bad. This year, kids
And
that's
too
bad
This
year
kids
won't be able to enjoy the tradition of
won't
be
able
to
enjoy
the
tradition
of
waking up on Christmas morning to the
waking
up
on
Christmas
morning
to
the
sight of deflated Rudolph.
sight
of
deflated
Rudolph
Mommy. [laughter]
Mommy
laughter
Mommy. Mommy. Is he dead?
Mommy
Mommy
Is
he
dead
Yes. Yes.
Yes
Yes
[laughter]
laughter
Toys may also be hard to
Toys
may
also
be
hard
to
come by because, uh, thanks to
come
by
because
uh
thanks
to
tariffs, toy makers are bracing for
tariffs
toy
makers
are
bracing
for
empty shelves this Christmas. So get
empty
shelves
this
Christmas
So
get
ready for the year's hottest toy: shelf
ready
for
the
year's
hottest
toy:
shelf
on the shelf.
on
the
shelf
We got a great show for you tonight.
We
got
a
great
show
for
you
tonight
[cheering]
cheering
[music]
music
Elizabeth Warren is here
Elizabeth
Warren
is
here
[music]
music
when we come back. Meanwhile, join us,
when
we
come
back
Meanwhile
join
us
won't you?
won't
you
[music]
music
>> [cheering]
>>
cheering
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